


Incrementally

by HitanTenshi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bi-Curious Sakamoto Ryuji, Canon compliant... mostly, Developing Relationship, Exhibitionism, Gay Persona 5 Protagonist, Included Akira in the tags even though I use the name Ren for the protag, Internalized Homophobia, Let Sakamoto Ryuji Say Fuck, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Minor Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Persona 5: The Royal, Some Plot, Versatile Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji, akechi/protag in the sense of the inherent eroticism of wanting to strangle each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:48:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HitanTenshi/pseuds/HitanTenshi
Summary: Ren is willing to hold Ryuji’s hand every step of the way out of the closet, no matter what awkward moments or metaphysical calamities might impede their progress as a couple.
Relationships: Amamiya Ren/Sakamoto Ryuji, Kurusu Akira/Sakamoto Ryuji, Persona 5 Protagonist/Sakamoto Ryuji
Comments: 30
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Since I watched and enjoyed the P5A alongside playing P5R, I’m going with the name Amamiya Ren for the protag (definitely because of Ryuji’s nickname of Ren-Ren — so cute). Funnily enough, I named my first P5R playthrough Shimura Tenko when I had to come up with a name on the spot. There’s an AU for BNHA's League of Villains as the Phantom Thieves of Hearts in there somewhere…  
> In my current draft document, I have four chapters written, and I expect one or two more will be needed to tie off the story I have in mind.  
> This is unbeta’d, so sorry ahead of time for typos, inconsistencies in Ryuji’s speech patterns, etc.

Though Ren had been skeptical of the idea of a school counselor at first, Maruki’s charm and compassion put his suspicions at ease. More quickly than he would have thought possible, Ren disarms himself of his knowing smirk and calculated snips — even if their discussions are often academic in nature, Ren begins to feel that he truly could _confide_ in Maruki. Well, except about Phantom Thief stuff. But Ren does have things on his mind that he can’t blindly throw out into the open, things for which having a trustworthy adult to talk to might help.

Namely, his mile-wide crush on his right-hand man.

Surely _some_ of the starry-eyed girls at Shujin have come to Maruki for advice on matters of the heart — can it be so different for Ren to ask about them? Still, telling himself that in his head and actually getting the words to his mouth are different challenges. With summer vacation fast approaching, Ren knows he has to act or else stew in silent pining for another month before he can meet with Maruki again.

Thankfully, the man is pretty observant. “What’s on your mind, Amamiya-kun? You look troubled.”

“Mm.” The downside of being a person who thinks before he speaks is that the vetting process can take its sweet time. “I’m not sure how to say it.”

“That’s quite all right.”

After enough stalling, though, Ren decides he might as well bite the bullet. “People call me charming, but the one person I want to charm is oblivious. It’s frustrating to be _right there_ while he goes on and on about girls. It would be nice if he could get a clue.”

Maruki does him the courtesy of containing any dramatic reaction to that announcement (and all its implications). He blinks several times before venturing a response: “Is this about Sakamoto-kun?”

Ren wants to disappear into this couch and never be seen again, but he stands his ground. Nods, even.

“Have you told him how you feel?”

“Of course not. Have you seen how much effort he puts into making sure everyone knows he’s straight?”

Maruki chuckles, but in a sympathetic way. “Hmm, so you’re afraid that he’ll reject you?”

“More like afraid he’ll want nothing to do with me after that.”

“And, knowing what you do of Sakamoto-kun, how likely is that actually to happen?”

Ren ponders that and has to admit: “…Not very.”

“I agree. Since Sakamoto-kun _is_ your best friend, I think it’s a safe bet that, even if your advances are turned down, he won’t reject _you_ entirely. Given that, you have a lot more to gain by taking a chance than to lose.”

Still discomfited, Ren rubs a tuft of hair between his index and thumb. “I’ll… bear that in mind. Thank you for letting me vent, Maruki-sensei.”

“Anytime, Amamiya-kun.” And with a particularly bright smile, he adds, “I hope it goes well for you.”

Which puts Ren uncharacteristically pink in the face as he excuses himself from the nurse’s office.

He doesn’t expect to find Ryuji waiting for him at the school gate. “Hey, man! Been a while since we trained together, so figured I’d try and catch you on your way out.”

Ren has been actively avoiding training with Ryuji lately out of fear that his eyes will _wander_. Obviously he can’t confess to that. “I’ve been helping Maruki-sensei with his research,” is technically not a lie.

“Eh? What about?”

“Helping people process their pain by having them change their cognition of it, as far as I can gather.”

Ryuji sends one hand swooping over his own head. “Lost me midway there, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” As a stream of final students trickles out from the school building, Ren steps closer to Ryuji so as to get out of their way. “So, did you still want to train today?” It is getting rather late in the afternoon.

Ryuji throws an unexpected arm around his shoulders and squeezes him good-naturedly. “Sure! Let’s go! Lead on, leader!”

Even if Ryuji sometimes forgets about using a discreet level of volume, Ren can’t help but be drawn in by his earnest enthusiasm. Just before they pass out of sight of the school, however, Ren looks back and spots Maruki a ways behind them. Upon making eye contact, Maruki gives him the dorkiest and most obvious thumbs-up.

It’s going to be a long summer.

With a growing list of friends and confidants, it’s a challenge to regularly schedule one-on-one time with Ryuji, and Ren feels guilty about it. So when Ryuji texts him at some godforsaken hour early into their vacation to announce he’s coming over to hang out at Leblanc, Ren can’t imagine refusing him.

Several hours later, Ren still can’t fully process that Ryuji is in his room, alone with him (well, except for Morgana, who pops in and out). While Ryuji is absorbed in some manga, Ren grants himself the small selfishness of staring unabashedly at his best friend. How can bleached hair look that fluffy? How can those brown eyes seem so soft past all of Ryuji’s bravado? How can a crack of chapped skin on Ryuji’s lower lip make Ren so very badly want to kiss there?

Eventually, sitting at his desk chair becomes too far away. But Ren doesn’t know how he can in any way subtly relocate to Ryuji’s side. So maybe he shouldn’t try for subtle.

“How’s it going?”

“Huh? What? Which?” It’s adorable how Ryuji looks just slightly embarrassed, like he’s missed part of an important conversation. Ren wants to snuggle all of that worry out of him.

“The manga.”

“Oh. Well, I could try to narrate it for ya, but the visuals are kinda a big part — I couldn’t do a description justice.”

“Then can I come over there and read it with you?”

Ren doesn’t know whether to be encouraged or discouraged by how quickly Ryuji makes room for him. “Sure, man! I’ll recap best I can if somethin’ doesn’t make sense.”

Maybe this was a mistake, because for the rest of the afternoon, Ren is tucked into Ryuji’s shoulder with Ryuji’s arm hooking around him so as to hold the manga open so that both of them can read it. It would take so little, so very little, for Ren to turn his head and capture that dry patch of lip. And yet, confronting a mafia boss had taken less courage.

Evening rolls around, and Ryuji’s stomach rumbles. “I should probably go.” He scritches at the short hair near the nape of his neck. “But hangin’ out with you is the best, so I don’t really wanna go.”

“Then stay.” Since there is so much that Ren wants to say, but can’t let himself, he goes for that.

Ryuji just has to bite that chapped lip before he grins. Ren is going to die.

“Want some curry?” and he’s impressed with how level his voice sounds.

“Um, fuck yes. Always.”

Which makes Ren a little jealous of the curry as he watches Ryuji shovel down three helpings of it.

As the time for the last trains draws close, there’s another round of Ryuji hemming and hawing his way toward going home. Ren grips the sink behind Leblanc’s counter and gathers his courage. More to gain than lose, Maruki had said. More to gain.

“You could always just stay over.”

Ryuji stares at him for a moment, and Ren dreads it. Then, that unfairly adorable face lights up. “Really? I’d love to!”

Love to. Love to. Cue that echoing in Ren’s head for the next several minutes as he finishes up the dishes.

“Bathhouse before we hit the sack?” Ryuji suggests.

“You are going to be the death of me.”

Ren hadn’t meant to say it so audibly, but Ryuji just laughs. “Don’t worry, I’ll pull you out if you start to get all woozy from the heat.”

Ren does his best to control his lurid gaze in the bath (which they thankfully have to themselves since it’s close to closing time), but there’s one moment where the slopes of Ryuji’s pecs and obliques and abs just draws him with magnetic power.

“Have you been working out?” A scramble to cover the reason for his interest.

“Yo, you noticed? Hell yeah, man. Gotta stay in shape. Even if I’m not on the track team anymore, I just don’t feel right unless I’m at my best.”

Ren thinks Ryuji is always at his best.

“You’ve put on a little muscle yourself, you know,” Ryuji continues. “All that jumpin’ around and ziplinin’ and shit you do. Yoshizawa teach you all of that?”

“Not all of it. Some of it just came to me as part of being Joker, I think.”

“Well, it’s fuckin’ impressive. Sometimes I just wanna like _whoop_ or somethin’ when you go off like that. Like, _‘That’s my leader, look how badass he is!’_ And not only badass, but smart and good with people and shit, too? Teach me your ways, man!”

By the end of this stream of compliments, Ren has sunk as deep into this bath as he can without putting his ears underwater. He is certain his entire face is ablush.

“Yo, you okay? You’re all red — is the water gettin’ to ya?”

“No, _you’re_ getting to me.” Thankfully, this confession is adequately garbled by his being underwater when he says it.

“Dude, don’t drown on me!”

With alarming ease, Ryuji hooks his arms under Ren and hoists him up to safety. Which puts Ren all but plastered against Ryuji’s chest.

More to gain than lose. More to gain.

“Um… Ryuji…” His usual confidence with words has left the building.

“Yeah? You doin’ better now?”

“Would you… Would you say it’s just the heat of the bath if I said I wanted to…”

“Hmm? If you wanted to what? I’m not good with hypotheticals, man. Just tell me — it’s all good.”

Is it, though? Will it be all good?

The softness of Ryuji’s deep brown eyes does him in.

“I want to kiss you.”

Ryuji blinks, his mouth slightly open. “Y… Huh?”

Since that isn’t pushing him away in disgust, Ren takes a chance and leans in, being careful not to slip on the bath tiling in the process. Ryuji doesn’t run. It’s the lightest, most delicate of kisses, just testing the proverbial water. When Ren dares to look Ryuji in the face again, he’s turned as pink as Ren feels.

“You… um… okay…”

Dread is back, and Ren immediately tries to protect himself from it. “I’m sorry. That was sudden and stupid of me. You don’t have to—”

Ryuji catches his wrist before he can flee from the bath. “Just _give_ me a minute, dude. I’m not the brightest bulb, I know that, so I gotta, y’know, _process_.”

But the bathhouse is hitting closing time now, so with little said between them, they dress and return to Leblanc. Sharing a room with Ryuji for a night is now a much more terrifying prospect.

As Ren fishes a spare blanket out of the storage corner of the attic, Ryuji finally speaks up from his seat on the couch: “So, I’m still processing. Can ya help me out?”

Trying to feign his cool, Ren turns and nods.

“Okay. So, we’re friends.”

Ren already doesn’t like where this is going. “Yes.”

“Best friends.”

“…Yes.”

“Hanging out with you is, like, mind-blowingly fun for me. Like I said before to the guys on the track team, I feel _free_ when we’re together. Like I could fuckin’ fly or somethin’ if I put my mind to it.”

Ren just nods this time. His heart is lurching between his throat and his stomach, and it’s painful.

“I’ve never had a best friend before.”

“…Me either.”

“And I guess when there’s so many things out there in life I haven’t experienced, it’s tough for me to sort things out clearly. Like, I know I like girls. I’ve _always_ liked girls. But when I think about who I wanna spend time with the most, it’s gotta be you.”

The lurch stays in his throat this time. Is he imagining what might be a faint glimmer of hope?

“And when you… y’know… I didn’t… didn’t hate it? I wasn’t grossed out? Just surprised, I guess. The guys around me have always made fun of the idea of two dudes being like a couple and stuff, but it didn’t feel weird to me in the moment. It was kind of just, _‘Oh my god, were Ren’s eyelashes always this long?_ ’ and then you were kissing me and then it was gone and I was kinda sad it was already over ‘cuz I was curious and fuck can ya please stop wearing a face like I’m about to kick your cat and come over here?”

Ren closes the distance until his knees almost brush the lip of the couch. Ryuji looks up at him with those soft brown eyes, and Ren wants to melt into their warmth.

“Dude, can you tell me how long you’ve wanted to kiss me?”

Ren shakes his head.

“Why not?”

Ren drops the spare blanket into Ryuji’s lap. “It’ll seem weird.”

“That’s no problem. C’mon, please? Ren-Ren?”

The nickname tugs a teensy smile out of him, and he caves. “Since you stood up to Kamoshida, I think.”

Ryuji mimics a mental explosion with his hands. “Dude, I was super lame against Kamoshida. How the hell did that do it for ya?”

“I thought you were brave. And kind. And looked really good in tight leather pants.”

Ryuji snorts. “What, really?”

“Really. You haven’t seen how good your ass looks in that outfit.”

“So take a pic next time and show me hard evidence.”

“Oh, I’ll show you hard evidence,” and on the spur of his embarrassment, Ren chucks the blanket out of Ryuji’s lap and claims that spot for himself, clambered awkwardly with his thighs on either side of Ryuji’s hips.

Ryuji stops mid-laugh, presumably when he feels Ren’s warmth pressed against his own.

“So…”

“So?” Ren challenges.

“You gonna kiss me again?”

Ren steadies himself on Ryuji’s shoulders. “Do you want me to?”

“Man, I don’t have two sparks of a clue to rub together.” An ill-timed idiom, since at that moment, both of their fidgeting creates friction in the worst, best place. “Mm, scratch that, I have a clue. A single, solitary clue. I’m just chicken-shit stupid about what to do with it.”

“You aren’t stupid.”

“No, dude, I really am. It’s plain as day how stupid I am. So—” And, to Ren’s gleeful surprise, Ryuji’s hands appear at his lower back, pulling him closer. “Help me get more of a clue. I… I wanna know what _really_ kissing you’s like, not that barely-anythin’ like before.”

“You don’t think I’m weird?”

“Dude, I’m askin’ you to kiss me. Obviously I don’t think you’re weird. I mean, it’s a little weird ‘cuz it’s new and I don’t know what I’m doin’, but it’s not a _bad_ kind of weird, ya get me?”

Ren nods. Out of habit, he’d put his glasses back on since returning from the bathhouse. They may get in the way…

As if reading his mind, Ryuji pinches the edges of the frames and eases them off of his face.

“Ryuji…”

“Hmm?” He’s currently preoccupied with setting the glasses on the table by the couch with the old TV and game console.

“That was a fucking smooth move.”

“Yo, really?” He grins. “Made ya wanna kiss me even more?”

“I am gonna kiss the hell out of you.”

“Cool! Bring it.”

Ren has some experience kissing, but he doesn’t really care much to apply it right now. He just dives in and finally captures that chapped split on Ryuji’s lower lip. Ryuji makes a startled noise, then a curious one, and then he starts sighing and humming into the kiss. Breathing seems secondary to the all-important mission of kissing Ryuji silly, until Ren feels his head spin and he loses his balance, only for Ryuji to stabilize him.

“D… Dude… you okay?”

Ren feels a little better about how hard he’s panting when he hears that Ryuji is not much better off.

“Just winded. You?”

“Good. I’m good. That… That was also good. _Really_ good. Can I have seconds?”

Ren is no longer jealous of the curry from dinner.

They have seconds. And thirds. And in their fourth round of making out on the couch and getting lost in each other’s warmth, they are suddenly startled by a hair-raising shriek.

“Wh-What are you two doing!?”

Framed in the center of the top step, feet wide, eyes wider, and hackles all up as if a dog had just challenged him to a duel, is Morgana.

Instantly, Ren feels Ryuji seize up, so he decides to take the front line of defense. “Male bonding.”

“I’m pretty sure that isn’t what male bonding looks like, Joker! Try a line that stupid on the blond ape whose lap you’re obviously sitting on!”

Ryuji’s hands twitch where they had been gripping Ren’s hips, and Ren puts his own hands over them now as a wordless gesture of support.

“I’m free to sit on whoever’s lap I choose, Morgana. If you’ve got a problem with that, ask _Ann_ if you can stay with her instead.”

Mentioning Ann clearly makes Morgana bristle more. “D-Don’t change the subject, Joker!”

“Then don’t hiss at me. For someone who claims so adamantly that they aren’t a cat, you aren’t very convincing right now.”

“Y-You wanna pick a fight? Over that dumb monkey!?”

Ryuji is shutting down with every word out of Morgana’s mouth. He had been so happy a moment ago, and now he just looks haunted.

That does it.

“Ryuji, I’ll be right back.” With that, Ren stands up, closes in on Morgana, and snatches him up by the scruff of the neck. Ignoring the resultant yowling, Ren stomps down the stairs to Leblanc and holds the mortified Morgana out in front of him, too far away for Morgana to land a good swipe at him.

“Wh-What!?” It’s much too satisfying to see how Morgana’s tail has instinctively curled up under him.

“You need to stop.”

“Stop what!?”

“Stop calling Ryuji names. It’s pissed me off ever since we met you, and I’ve let it slide sometimes, but I am putting my foot down when you make fun of him right after I finally fucking kissed him for the first time and made him look the happiest I’ve ever seen him and you fucked it up!!”

His breathing is heavy after he finishes his rant, and Morgana looks at least somewhat cowed.

“Y… Joker, you really like him? _Him_?”

“More than I’ve ever liked anyone in my life.”

“When there’re babes like Ann-dono and Makoto-chan around?”

“Bold of you to assume I was ever into _‘babes.’_ ”

“Oh.” Clearly, Morgana is still struggling. “But, like, even having to pick a guy, at least Yusuke is—”

“Yusuke has a pretty face, I’ll give him that. But Ryuji is who I’m in love with. He’s bold and courageous and kind, and he cried for me and wanted to beat up everyone who’d ever done me wrong when I told him about my false arrest. How can I _not_ be in love with him!?”

Morgana stares at him for a long moment, then nods. “Mm. My bad. I may not get it, but if it’s important to you, Joker… if that mon— if Ryuji is that important to you, then I’ll do my best to respect that.”

A satisfactory response for the time being. Ren sets Morgana down on the back of one of the booths. “I’m sorry for getting rough with you. I lost my temper a little.”

Morgana shakes from nose to tail until his fur is unruffled. “No harm done. I provoked you.”

“If I buy one of those igloo-looking pet beds that’s fuzzy and warm on the inside, will that make laying off about Ryuji and/or Ryuji and me being in any way together easier for you?”

Cue a twinkle of interest in Morgana’s bright blue eyes. “Ooh, keep talking!”

With a peace offering promised, Ren goes back up to the attic. Ryuji hasn’t moved.

“Hey, are you okay? Morgana was way out of line, but I’ve talked some sense into him.”

“Y… Yeah…” But obviously he isn’t. And it becomes even more obvious in the next second when Ryuji brings a hand up to his mouth to stifle a strained sound and his eyes swim with the threat of tears.

“Ryuji?” No reply. “Do you want me to leave?”

Ryuji shakes his head, so Ren sits beside him on the couch and gingerly puts an arm around him. He can wait for as long as it takes for Ryuji to talk to him.

“You’re,” Ryuji finally chokes out between muffled sobs, “kinda too good to be true. Someone as awesome as you gettin’ pissed off for the sake of someone like me? Shit like that doesn’t happen.”

Ah. “How much did you hear?”

“The whole fuckin’ thing, man. You said such sweet, sappy shit about me. But I’m… I’m not bold or courageous or kind. I’m a selfish coward who’s stupid and vulgar and hot-headed and every shitty thing everyone’s ever said about me. I don’t deserve somethin’ as awesome as bein’ kissed by you or l-loved by you or any of it.”

“Ryuji…” Ren wraps his fingers around the wrist of the hand Ryuji has been using to cover his mouth and slowly pulls it away, pulls it to his own mouth so he can kiss the knuckles one by one. “You were the first person to accept me when I came to Tokyo. A selfish coward wouldn’t stick his neck out for the transfer student with a bad rep from day one of school.”

Ryuji’s lip is trembling, but Ren can tell he has Ryuji’s attention.

“Every time I see you being hot-headed, it’s because you’re trying to protect someone. And as for being stupid — so what if school smarts aren’t your thing? So what if you aren’t the brains of the team? Your instincts are sharper than people give you credit for. And you have strengths I don’t. You’re fast. You’re funny. Your sense of justice is unflinching. You get angry so quickly for the sake of others because you feel so intensely how wrong it is for the strong to trample on the weak. You’re no less a Phantom Thief than the rest of us, Ryuji. And you’d better stop talking down about yourself, or I’ll get mad.”

“Y… You will?”

“I will. I’ll think of some way to punish you.”

“Dude, that sounds kind of dirty.”

A pause. “Do you want it to sound dirty?”

Ryuji immediately blushes afresh. “I… I dunno. This is all new stuff, y’know. And… even if you say I’m brave, I gotta fess up: I’m scared outta my mind at the idea of whatever-enjoyin’-kissin'-you-means-for-us bein’ found out. Even it bein’ fuckin’ _Morgana_ , I froze up. I felt so ashamed that I wanted to drop dead. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Doing something new is scary. Especially when there are assholes out there who make a big deal out of two guys kissing.”

Ryuji’s free hand knots up in Ren’s shirt. “So, um, if… If I say I’m really happy that you like me this way, but I don’t want people to know about us kissin’ and stuff, is that okay?”

It isn’t perfect, but it’s closer to a dream come true than Ren had dared to let himself hope for. “It’s okay.”

They share a few soft kisses, then, after making a blanket nest on the couch for Morgana, Ren pulls Ryuji into bed with him and pets his fluffy hair until they fall asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting this second chapter up sooner rather than later so that the explicit tag will actually make sense…

He’d said it was okay. But he’d also hoped that time would bolster Ryuji’s courage for them to come out about their relationship. Instead, Ryuji seems all the more determined to emphasize how much he’s into girls (and strictly girls) whenever they’re around other people. He’s also less comfortable touching Ren casually in the presence of others, and that chafes. They’re supposed to be closer now, not more distant.

After a summer vacation full of _that_ , Ren ends up dumping this drama in Maruki’s lap at his first opportunity.

“It sounds to me like Sakamoto-kun has internalized the stigma of being interested in a fellow young man. Have you talked to him about this?”

“It scared him so much — I don’t want to make him cry again.”

“That’s understandable. But if you keep quiet, _you’ll_ keep suffering instead.” Maruki’s smile is gentle as ever. “You’re very smart, Amamiya-kun. I’m confident that you can find a way to work things out with him.”

Ren groans. “This would be so much easier if the world didn’t judge people based on who they like. If Ryuji didn’t have to be scared of it and we could just be a couple out in the open.”

“Indeed it would. A better world that we can hope for and work towards, yes?”

Maruki gives him an extra handful of snacks and pats his back with reassurance on his way out. It’s become habit now for Ryuji to wait for him at the gate, and Ren takes comfort in little gestures like this that speak to how much Ryuji does in fact want to spend time with him. Ah, Ryuji’s face brightens so much as soon as he sees Ren — what is he, the sun!?

“Hey. I see Maruki-sensei loaded you up with goodies.”

“Hey, yourself.” A pause. “Do you wanna come over tonight?”

Ryuji looks around to make sure no one had overheard that, then blushes a little as he nods. “J… Just text me for whenever works for ya.”

“Okay.” But before Ryuji can run away, Ren catches his upper arm and whispers, “I love you,” into his ear.

Ryuji’s face is on fire, but he nods again. “M-Me, too,” barely audible. “See ya tonight.”

After Ryuji leaves, Ren mulls over Maruki’s advice. He can’t keep running from this. The question is, how to bring it up without seeming like he’s on the attack? Treat Ryuji with something fun first? Something naughty? They haven’t gone all the way yet, and working this issue in their relationship out may be as good a segue as any into being more intimate. In which case…

Pulling out his phone, he texts Futaba. She, after all, has known about his relationship with Ryuji since its inception, since she had bugged all of Leblanc (though she had put the attic audio on mute ever since). And since she has become much like a little sister to Ren, he hopes he can count on her as an accomplice.

 **[REN]** Question: where did Makoto and Ann get your swimsuit?

 **[FUTABA]** question: what kind of question is that for a conversation starter?

 **[FUTABA]** wait, this is for something dirty with your boyfriend, isn’t it?

 **[REN]** I just want to do something nice for him once in a while :) Nothing dirty here.

 **[FUTABA]** lie detector at 100% i see your mind and it is full of dirty thoughts

 **[REN]** Your key item / honorary oniisan has needs.

 **[FUTABA]** needs i don’t want to know about! gross

 **[REN]** If you don’t want to help me…

 **[FUTABA]** eye roll. i’ll send you the name and address of the shop, pervy oniisan. just warn me before you get dirty with your boyfriend so i can mute all of the audio streams from leblanc

 **[REN]** Have I mentioned that you’re the best imouto a guy could ask for?

 **[FUTABA]** please, praise me more. also, buy me this list of snacks while you’re out plz and thank

Information in hand, Ren calculates his afternoon itinerary and picks up what he has in mind (plus Futaba’s snacks). Upon returning to Yongenjaya, he drops his purchases off at Leblanc before heading back out for one more very important stop.

Takemi looks up from a clipboard as he greets her. “Oh, if it isn’t my favorite guinea pig. Need something?”

“Yes, actually.” He doesn’t have time to be embarrassed. Ryuji will be coming in an hour, and Ren needs to get ready beforehand. “Can you give me a quick rundown on safe sex practices?”

He’s never seen Takemi’s eyes this wide. “Oh? You got yourself a girl?”

“Not a girl.”

She’s only shaken for an extra moment before regaining her composure. “Ah, makes sense that you would want to double-check with a medical expert, then.” She stretches her way out of her chair and heads around to the examination room. “Come on back. I can get you some relevant supplies while I talk you through.”

“Takemi-sensei, I owe you my life.”

She chuckles. “It wouldn’t do for my favorite guinea pig to get an STD or hemorrhoids from his big debut, right?”

She goes into very clinical detail as to how two boys can safely have sex, and Ren just tries to keep his ears from burning off. After stuffing a takeout bag with condoms and several other items and handing it to him, Takemi concludes, “Just make sure your not-a-girl takes good care of you, understood?”

“…Yes, ma’am.”

Even with his careful planning, Ren barely makes it in time. He’s just managed to get ready for what the night may have in store when the bell at the Leblanc door rings out and Ryuji’s voice follows it.

“H… Hey, Morgana. Um… is he…?”

“Joker’s upstairs. I’ve taken the precaution of staying with Futaba-chan tonight. Try not to be _too_ loud.”

Ren can almost _hear_ the embarrassment on Ryuji’s face and decides to rescue him. Even if Morgana has honored his agreement to stop calling Ryuji belittling names, there is still some _ribbing_.

“Hey,” he announces after descending the stairs two at a time.

“Hey.”

After a moment’s awkward silence, Morgana hops down from his barstool perch. “Well, later.”

Ren barely waits for the door to hit Morgana’s butt on his way out before he’s on Ryuji with a hug and a kiss.

“D-Dude, are the blinds and stuff closed?”

“Closed.” He reaches around Ryuji and turns the deadbolt. “Locked. You’re stuck in here with me.”

“Oh.” With the security of privacy, Ryuji starts to loosen up, his eyes to glimmer. “Whatever will I do?”

“Making out sounds like a good start.”

So they do, slowly waddling their way towards the stairs in the back as they kiss and grab at each other. When Ren’s heels hit the lip of the bottom step, Ryuji puts his mouth beside Ren’s ear. “Can I carry you up?”

“Oh? You can do that?”

“Don’t underestimate athletes, man.”

Ren laughs. “Okay, sure.”

So Ryuji grabs him by the backs of his thighs and with the warning of, “Hold on tight,” bodily lifts him from the floor. It’s one part scary and four parts sexy as Ren promptly wraps his legs around Ryuji’s hips and his arms around Ryuji’s neck.

“No making out while we climb stairs, though,” Ren cautions. “Eyes forward, pilot.”

“Yes, sir.”

They do plenty of giggling as they go up, though, until finally Ryuji tips both of them onto Ren’s futon. Kisses return, but less frantic than before.

Ryuji twirls a finger around a tuft of Ren’s unruly hair. “So, what’d you wanna do tonight?”

“Well… are you okay with doing something new?”

“New is okay.”

“How about something more… _involved_?”

Ryuji tilts his head for a moment before the light goes on in his brain. “Dude, are you asking me to, like, _bone_ you?”

“More or less,” and Ren can’t hide his grin. “You game?”

As Ren had suspected (or feared, actually), Ryuji isn’t immediately excited at the idea. He rolls his chin around like he’s chewing on the thought and avoids Ren’s eyes.

“It’s also fine if you aren’t game,” Ren hedges, “but I would like to know the reason why.”

“Well… it’s just… This is gonna sound stupid.”

“You aren’t stupid. You can tell me anything, Ryuji.”

“Okay. Okay.” After psyching himself up a little more, Ryuji sits up cross-legged. “I’m scared that it’ll, like… _show_.”

“That what will show?”

“That I’ve… That we’ve… Y’know how people say stuff like, _‘Oh, that dude’s definitely a virgin,’_ and shit? Will it be obvious to people all of a sudden that you and me are doin’ gay stuff together?”

“…No. It will only be obvious if we make it obvious.” Keeping his tone and breathing even, Ren sits up as well. “Level with me, Ryuji. How long do you want to keep this a secret from people?”

Ryuji makes a face that says he feels badly about it, but he speaks honestly. “Forever?”

Even having braced himself for it, it hurts to hear. “Why is that, do you think?”

“'Cuz people’ll _judge_ us and shit! You’re workin’ so hard to prove everyone’s rumors wrong about you bein' a murderous delinquent up to no good. If people find out you’re gay — and that _I’m_ the one bein’ gay with you — they’ll give you all kinds of shit about it!”

“So, this is about me? That you want to protect me?”

“Yeah? Kinda? Protectin’ myself, too? I dunno…” Ryuji isn’t tearing up, but he pinches the bridge of his nose as if to stave that off. “You’re the best thing in my life, Ren, and I dunno if I could handle people makin’ fun of that. Bein’ made to feel like it was gross or worthless. I’d seriously lose my shit and pound someone’s face and make everything worse for both of us.”

Gingerly, Ren puts his arms around Ryuji and pulls him close. Ryuji returns the hug, his hands shaking.

“Fuck, I know we’re supposed to not give a shit about what other people think of us, bein’ Phantom Thieves and all, but it _gets_ to ya sometimes.”

“It does. I understand that.” He smooths down the short ends of Ryuji’s hair at the nape of his neck. “But it also gets to me sometimes, watching how on edge you are these days. I thought being with me made you feel _free_ , not more trapped.”

Ryuji buries his face in Ren’s neck and groans. “You’re right, man. I’ve been on pins and needles about this. I suck.”

“You don’t suck. I understand why you’re scared. And I’m sorry I didn’t address this sooner.”

“I wanna be better, for you and me both, but I dunno what I’m supposed to _do_.”

Ren pulls back so as to look Ryuji in the eyes. “Well, for starters, you could forget about what other people might think for tonight… and _do me_.”

Ryuji’s eyes go wide, and then he laughs with relief. “Okay, man. Since _clearly_ you want it this much—”

“You don’t want to know how nasty and wet my dreams have been for the past month.”

“No, dude, I really do wanna know. ‘Cuz… ‘Cuz you’re right. Our business is nobody else’s. So I gotta make up for bein’ chicken-shit and make sure bein’ with me is as great for you as bein’ with you is for me.” He stops, then looks Ren dead in the eyes. “I love you, Ren. I’m really sorry for bein' shitty at showin’ it.”

“I love you, too. But what did I say about talking down about yourself?”

Ryuji quirks a smile. “That you’d punish me?”

“If you want to be punished, that defeats the purpose.” Seeing Ryuji finally get excited at the idea of being intimate, though, softens his irritation. “We’ll put a rain check on the punishment. Right now I want to cash in on my preparations.”

“Preparations?”

Ren takes Ryuji’s hands and guides them under his shirt. They’ve touched each other before, and Ryuji’s picked up that Ren very much likes having his chest played with, so Ren doesn’t have to direct him for long. That said, it’s immensely satisfying to watch Ryuji’s expression: excitement, then confusion when he doesn’t find just skin under Ren’s shirt, then excitement again.

“Dude, what are you wearin’?”

With a shit-eating grin, Ren pulls off his shirt. He watches Ryuji’s eyes trace each line of the dark red bikini top, his jaw hanging further and further open.

“Wh… How did you get this?”

“How else? I bought it.”

“You b—!” Ryuji appears to be on the verge of a nosebleed. “Didn’t you get weird looks from people?”

“I said it was for my sister.” He pats Ryuji’s dumbfounded cheek. “I thought it’d be easier for you to do this if there was some extra fun involved.”

“Ren-Ren! I love you so much!”

Ryuji practically smothers him in kisses. In the resulting tussle, Ryuji soon has Ren under him, their hands intertwined, both of them flushed in the face.

“Dude… I don’t know if I can handle takin’ your pants off, if what’s under there is what I think it is. I’ll die.”

“I have a healing spell for that.”

Ryuji snorts. “I gotta wonder if you’ll be as cool and composed when I’m bonin’ ya.”

“Well, there’s only one way for you to find that out.”

They’re still snickering at each other when Ryuji finally works up the guts to shuck him. As predicted, finding the matching bikini bottom makes him all but squeal with delight.

“You are way, _way_ too good to me, dude!”

Ren hooks him in with a bare leg so that their hips are squared up. He can tell Ryuji is hard, and that makes him grin all the more. “Make _this_ good for me, and we’ll call it even.”

“I will do whatever you fuckin’ ask! Oh, shit, I’m the luckiest guy on earth right now.”

“Me, too.”

Ryuji looks like he might cry, but from happiness this time. Instead, he dives in for a deep kiss and starts getting handsy in earnest.

Before now, they’d gone as far as handjobs and the odd blowjob (though only Ren had taken that plunge), so they at least have some idea of where to start. Ren had taken Takemi’s advice and prepped himself a little, but he knows he’ll need more than that in order to make this work comfortably. Ryuji is a grower, and even as Ren grips and starts pumping Ryuji’s dick he can feel the blood flow pulsing and making it harder for him to get a full hand around the girth. Ryuji returns the favor once he’s able to untie the strings on the bikini bottom, and the hand that doesn’t start jerking Ren off creeps further back to the swell of his ass.

“Is… Is this gonna, like, hurt you?” and Ren is touched by how concerned Ryuji sounds.

“N-No. Not if we’re careful. I got… _mm…_ stuff for that.”

“Stuff? What kind of— oh shit, what are you doing with your thumb, man? I’m gonna die if you don’t cut that out.”

“Then perish.”

“Fuck you.”

“Please do.”

“If you make me bust my gut open from laughin’ in the middle of sex, you’ll have to clean up the mess.”

“Hmm, true. I’d much rather clean up other messes tonight.”

“S-Seriously, dude, I’m takin’ psychic damage from your one-liners.”

“Oh, I see. So if I keep going, I’ll break your mind…”

“Oh, my god. That’s it — just tell me where to stick my dick and we’ll see whose mind gets broken.”

They’ve stopped jerking each other off as the conversation has gotten more ridiculous. Ren sniggers into his free hand, and only reluctantly does he move it so as to guide Ryuji’s fingers to his entrance. Once again, Ryuji’s excitement gets punctuated by confusion.

“Dude… I thought only girls get, like, _wet_ …”

“It’s lube.”

“Oh. Oh…” His blush deepens, until he looks downright sheepish. “So, um… I’m definitely gonna need you to talk me through this. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m learning, too. But don’t worry: I consulted a professional.”

“You what now?”

Ignoring that question, Ren extricates the bag of sex supplies out from under his bed and presents a bottle of lube and a couple of condoms. With Ren’s direction, Ryuji puts one of the condoms over his middle and ring fingers like a partial glove and, with a copious application of lube, presses into Ren almost _daintily_.

“Th-This okay? You okay?”

“It’s weird,” Ren admits, “but not bad. You definitely have a better angle than I did starting this off.”

“Dude, thinkin’ about you fingerin’ yourself is serious spank-bank material.”

Ren laughs. “I’ll send you a video next time.”

“Please don’t — I’ll die.”

“Would you prefer a live performance, then?”

“Ren-Ren, you’re gonna kill me before I ever get my dick in you. Don’t do that to me, man.” He shifts on the bed slightly, possibly trying to get a better view of his work. “So, um, should I try to go, y’know, deeper? Or is it more about openin’ you up?”

“All of the above.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll do my best.”

Ryuji experiments with the pace and pressure and angle of his fingers, and Ren slowly begins to feel a building sense of pleasure from the stimulation. He makes sure to check that Ryuji is still hard every now and then with a few slow strokes. The whole thing is starting to feel quite drawn-out until Ryuji rubs against what must be Ren’s prostate, and he jerks up so quickly that Ryuji immediately withdraws his hand.

“Ren!? Are you okay!? Did I hurt you!?”

“N-No. Most definitely not. Please continue, and make sure you find that spot again.”

“Y… Yes, sir.”

“And I think I can handle three fingers now.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can I have a kiss, while you’re being so accommodating?”

“Absolutely, sir.”

Ren sits in Ryuji’s lap this time, rutting against him and kissing him while Ryuji keeps spreading him open. Ren controls his full-body reaction the next time Ryuji finds his prostate, but the comprehension of the situation puts a mischievous glint in Ryuji’s eyes.

“What was that about mind-breaking? Oh, dude, I’m gonna mess you up so bad, huh?”

The growing confidence in Ryuji’s voice is addicting. Ren bites his lip, refusing to admit to it.

“You did all this for me — gettin’ a bikini and sex supplies and fingerin’ yourself — ‘cuz you wanted my dick so much?”

Ren is all but pouting now.

“Maybe I won’t give it to you until you fess up.”

“Y… You wouldn’t dare… You want in this ass as much as I want you in it…”

“Oh?” Ryuji pulls his fingers out again and grips Ren’s hips. “Is that a challenge?”

“It isn’t a challenge if I’m sure I’ll win.”

“Oh, it is _on_ .” In record time, Ryuji has put a fresh, lubed condom on his dick. “Do you got any idea how hot it is to think about makin’ my awesome, sexy boyfriend, leader of the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, _beg_ me to fuck him?”

Ren opens his mouth to retort, but Ryuji has already lifted him by the backs of his thighs and positioned him right on target.

“Ryuji…”

“Hmm?” Ryuji shifts his hips a little, and Ren can feel the head of his dick kiss his entrance.

“ _Ryuji…_ ”

“Somethin’ you wanna say, leader?”

“You smug… ass…”

“I think it’s your ass we’re talkin’ about, Ren-Ren. I think it’s kinda twitchin’ a little. It’s more honest than you are.”

That line earns Ryuji a tug on one ear. “What kind of porn A/V did you watch before coming here?”

“I just wanted to sound cool. You don’t like it?”

“I like it way too much! You’re a danger to society!”

Ryuji beams at him. “Oh?”

“Please register your dick as a lethal weapon — it’s clear where the blood goes instead of to your school-smarts brain!”

That makes Ryuji cackle. “I guess so! Finally, an explanation as to why I’m so stupid.”

Ren squishes Ryuji’s face between his palms. “The only thing that’ll make you stupid is not finishing what you’ve started.”

“As in?”

Well, Ryuji is nothing if not stubborn, so Ren decides to give him this victory. “Get your dick in here, pronto. My ass is getting cold.”

“Is that really how you ask for things?”

“O-ne-ga-i-shi-ma-su.”

Trying not to bust out laughing again, Ryuji brings Ren down just enough to start pushing in. The head feels like it takes forever, long enough that Ren can feel Ryuji’s arms start to shake from holding him up.

“You don’t have to hold back quite so much, you know,” Ren tells him.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Then let me help be the judge of that.” Keeping one hand on Ryuji’s shoulder for balance, Ren reaches back and grips Ryuji’s dick just below the head. “Let me put some weight on my knees. That’ll be easier for both of us, I think.”

Ryuji grunts acknowledgement, and once they renegotiate their position, Ren feels more in control of the situation again. He methodically sinks back with more and more weight and pressure until _finally_ the head pushes past the tightest of muscle. It’s… so much more than fingers. Ren immediately starts panting, which stirs up Ryuji’s concern again.

“Y… You okay? I mean, it’s… wow… so hot and tight in you and it feels amazing, but are _you_ okay?”

“I’m… okay…” With the hardest part over (hopefully), Ren puts his hand back on Ryuji’s other shoulder. “Permission granted to fuck me.”

“D-Dude, what did I say about makin’ me laugh in the middle of sex?”

“Sorry. It’s fun. You’re cute.”

“Oh, I’ll show you cute…”

The first thrusts are sloppy and barely go anywhere as Ren adjusts to the sensation, but eventually Ryuji’s hips are flush with Ren’s ass and Ren feels so incredibly full and piping hot inside and the head of Ryuji’s cock is rubbing against his prostate so perfectly he could die.

“M… Mind broken, yet?” Ryuji taunts, though his face is beyond flushed and his eyes are slightly unfocused from how good he must be feeling.

Ren decides to taunt him one better. “Try actually moving first.”

That definitely flips some kind of switch, because Ryuji sends him onto his back and grips his hips more roughly than before. “You tell me if I hurt you.”

Again with the more assertive Ryuji. Ren swallows and nods.

“Words, man.”

“Y… Yeah. I’ll tell you.”

“Tell me when it feels good, too. I wanna make you feel fuckin’ fantastic when I’m fuckin’ you, okay? You tell me.”

Is this how a Brainwash spell gets invoked? The longer Ren looks into Ryuji’s deep brown eyes, the more he wants to do whatever Ryuji says.

“Okay. Yes.”

“Tell me what you want, Ren.”

Ren slides a messy hand down his stomach and skirts around his own twitching dick to rest just above his entrance. “Stop holding back and fuck me properly.”

This time, Ryuji listens to him. He’s still sloppy and arrhythmic, but the force behind his thrusts is much, _much_ better. They’re Phantom Thieves — Ren can deal with a little pain in order to get the staggering feeling of Ryuji’s dick pounding into him, into his prostate, feeling like it’s pounding directly into his brain with how excited his nerves get. He clings to Ryuji, moaning shamelessly and clawing at Ryuji’s upper back and shoulders. Ryuji doesn’t complain about any of it. He has that look in his eye like he does when he’s running: single-minded, determined, focused. All of his attention has zeroed in on Ren, on making Ren feel good with him, and it’s incredibly hot.

“I love you,” Ren manages to string together more than once.

“Love you, too,” Ryuji always replies.

The inevitable end draws near when one of Ryuji’s better-aimed thrusts makes Ren feel like he’s been flung out of his own skin. He warns Ryuji of this, but Ryuji just tells him to come whenever. He even spares one hand to pay attention to Ren’s dick again. There’s no escape, and Ren quickly surrenders to the rush and spurts all over Ryuji’s hand and stomach as he cries out. Ryuji stops moving, but doesn’t pull out. When Ren opens one bleary eye, he sees Ryuji’s face pinched in concentration, probably so as not to climax as well.

“Wh… You can come, too…”

Ryuji shakes his head. “Don’t want it to be over yet. Just… Just give me a minute. You need one, too, right? You wanna keep goin’?”

Ren reaches up for Ryuji’s face and cups it, feeling the blazing heat in his cheeks. “I can keep going in a bit. I don’t want it to be over, either.”

“Mm. You, um, look really hot all disheveled. How ya doin’? Ya feel good?”

“Good. Really good. But, mind: not broken.”

Ryuji licks his lips. “Guess I gotta up my game, then.” He looks around the futon. “Could we switch up the position again? Havin’ you in my lap was fun, but what if you turned around, y’know? You could lean on me.”

“I’m game.”

So, once Ren isn’t as boneless, Ryuji hoists him up again and gets them situated. With Ryuji behind him, Ren can’t prop himself up on Ryuji’s shoulders like before, though he tries at first.

“Just lean back, dude,” Ryuji finally insists, “I’ve gotcha.”

And Ryuji enforces that by lifting Ren’s thighs up higher, spreading them. It’s _very_ exposing, and Ren feels his face heat up by a couple more degrees.

Ryuji kisses his cheek and then murmurs into his ear: “Can ya help guide me back in, Ren-Ren?”

Ren doesn’t have the strength of will right now to refuse. Once Ren is seated on Ryuji’s dick again, Ryuji curls his hips up slowly, keeping Ren from moving by his hold on Ren’s thighs.

“Oh, fuck, man, I can see _everythin’_ this way. Your ass is so cute stretched around me like this. Still twitchin’, too — you like my dick this much, huh? I’m definitely the luckiest guy on the planet.”

Ryuji’s dirty talk continues in time with his thrusts, which gradually build up in speed and force. Eventually, Ren can’t not do _something_ with his hands, so he reaches back for Ryuji’s hair so as to pull his face closer — at least kissing him will shut him up. Ryuji doesn’t let him do that for long, though.

“Ren, hold up your legs for me? I’m gettin’ close now, and I wanna make you come with me, okay?”

Ren nods loosely and does as he’s asked. Immediately Ryuji moves his hands to Ren’s chest. Even now, he doesn’t take off the bikini top, but simply scoots it up until he can get at Ren’s nipples. Ren bites his lip, embarrassed by how good it feels for Ryuji to play with him like this _while_ pounding up into him, but Ryuji just whispers in his ear again, telling Ren to let him hear everything. Ren’s pretty sure his voice reaches a record pitch when he comes again. Ryuji doesn’t stop moving this time — if anything, he speeds up, chasing his own end. He kisses Ren’s neck and then buries his face there when he climaxes.

When the world is less blotted out by orgasmic bliss, Ren finds himself lying on Ryuji’s chest, his ear pressed in the optimal place to hear how much Ryuji’s heartbeat is still racing. He groggily lifts his head and sees Ryuji grinning at him.

“I take it you enjoyed yourself?” Ren ventures.

“Dude. Understatement of the year. Sex with you is on the top five list of best moments in my life! The top _three_ , even!”

Ren crawls up further so he can kiss Ryuji. “Me, too. Not bad for our first time, huh?”

“Not at fuckin’ all. Dude, please, add my virginity to your inventory with my undyin’ gratitude.”

Which has them both snickering again. And then kissing. And eventually cleaning up and then piling back into the futon.

Just before Ren drifts off tucked into Ryuji’s shoulder, he hears Ryuji speaking softly, whether to Ren or to himself:

“I’m gonna do better. Ain’t gonna be a shitty boyfriend anymore.”

“You aren’t shitty,” he interjects, caressing Ryuji’s sternum.

Ryuji sniffs, then pulls him closer and kisses his temple. “I love the shit outta you.”

“If you’d destroyed my ass, you might have done just that.”

Even better than sex, Ren decides that making Ryuji laugh is the best feeling in the world.


	3. Chapter 3

After that, things are largely back to normal. Ryuji is hanging on him and calling him Ren-Ren regardless of who else is around, and now sometimes Ryuji will whisper something naughty in his ear just to watch Ren struggle to keep a poker face.

“What are you two gossiping about?” Ann asks when she catches Ryuji in this act.

“Nothin’,” Ryuji insists, more casually than defensively. “Gross boy stuff.”

“Ew, please keep it to yourselves, then.”

“That’s the plan.”

Neither Morgana nor Futaba has outed them to the rest of the Thieves, and Ren appreciates that for Ryuji’s sake. Futaba does plenty of her own private teasing, though.

 **[FUTABA]** you know i can hear everything happening near your phone, right?

 **[REN]** That’s what mute is for.

 **[FUTABA]** if you keep this up, i will have to mute every single one of my surveillance points in order to protect myself from the sound of you and skull eating face

 **[REN]** Better face than other things…

 **[FUTABA]** blocked

But telling the Thieves does seem like the next best step, doesn’t it? Who else is better positioned to accept them than their closest and most trusted friends? Ren is just thinking of bringing the subject up with Ryuji, but then yet another argument between Ryuji and Morgana breaks out, and then everything gets chaotic for a while. Morgana runs away, they find Morgana, and the Thieves gain a new member in Okumura Haru. A new addition means that the circle suddenly isn’t as tightly-knit as before, so Ren decides not to pressure Ryuji.

So consider him shocked and very proud when Ryuji mentions the idea himself. He of course agrees and assures Ryuji of his support in this, and they come up with a sort of plan.

The next time the Thieves meet up in Leblanc’s attic, Ryuji intentionally sets out one less chair. And just when Yusuke points this out, Ren tells him there’s no problem and sits squarely in Ryuji’s lap, like he’s always belonged there.

The silence stretches out for several long seconds, before Morgana finally reaches some kind of limit. “Does this mean I don’t have to keep my mouth shut anymore?”

“It does,” Ren confirms.

“About what?” Ann asks, but she gives Ren a meaningful look like she already suspects. That’s fair — she is the one with a girlfriend, plus she has known Ren and Ryuji longer than anyone there.

“Ann-dono, you don’t know the horrors I’ve witnessed, the trauma I’ve suffered!”

Ann scoops Morgana up and pets his back consolingly. “There, there, I’m sure watching Ren and Ryuji make out was simply _awful_.”

Makoto smooths down the front of her skirt. “I suppose we should offer our congratulations?”

“Oh, my god, I knew from the first moment I saw them in the same room that this would happen!” Ann is equal parts exasperated and giddy. “You two have been moony-eyed for each other for _months_!”

Yusuke is already putting down a rough gesture sketch of them. “An excellent model. Perhaps you should demonstrate your passionate love so I can capture it.”

“Inari, that’s called voyeurism.”

“An artist knows no shame.”

Poor Haru looks the most shocked, naturally, but she does her best to catch up. “C-Congratulations, Ren-kun! Ryuji-kun! I hope you will be very happy together!”

Ryuji has buried his face in Ren’s neck, but his bright red ears are still visible. “I’m gonna die, man. She sounds like we’re gettin’ hitched.”

“Well, not yet, at least.”

Ryuji muffles a keening whine into Ren’s shoulder.

“Oi, Skull. Look here a second.”

He obliges, only for Futaba to snap a picture. “For posterity. Congrats on coming out.”

“I mean…” Ryuji starts to retreat back behind Ren again. “I still like girls. So whatever that is… yeah…”

“Bisexual,” Ren supplies, patting his fluffy head as encouragement.

Ryuji just nods and grunts.

“So, lemme put this out on the table,” Futaba suggests, “since Skull’s obviously embarrassed about this.” She clears her throat before continuing. “If at any point we make fun of you two, it’s not because you’re two _dudes_ in a relationship. It’s because you’re two _people_ in a relationship and that’s gross.”

“Yeah,” Ann agrees, “we’d make as much fun of any two people being a couple, especially our best friends.”

Yusuke is still sketching. “Passionate love…”

“Thanks, everyone.” Ren hooks Ryuji’s chin with one finger and pecks his cheek.

“Oh my god, Ren-nii, in front of my laptop?”

Ryuji seems emboldened by Ren’s move, because he straightens before dipping Ren back like a tango dancer. “Then hide your laptop!” And he kisses Ren full on the mouth.

Ann cheers. Haru giggles. Makoto hides a kind of chuckle behind one hand. Morgana has both paws over his eyes. Yusuke feverishly puts their pose down on paper. Futaba takes another picture and claims it’s for blackmail purposes this time.

“But seriously,” Futaba interjects, “try to contain your horny hormones when we’re in a Palace.”

“Just leave us behind in a safe room if we can’t control ourselves,” Ren quips. “I have Ryuji in leather on my to-do list.”

“I’m gonna figure out how to put _you_ on mute someday, Ren-nii.”

“Kinky. Make sure you tell Ryuji how that works once you figure it out.”

“Dude, I don’t want you on mute. I like hearin’ you.”

“Aaaaaaah! I’m putting you both in horny jail forever!”

Though Futaba starts pounding her small fists on Ren and Ryuji’s chests, everyone is laughing by now. Things couldn’t be more perfect in that moment.

Of course, the good times don’t last. Haru’s father collapses graphically on live TV, and he doesn’t last long after that. All of the popularity the Thieves had built up crashes down around their ears in hatred. Even as they walk through the halls of Shujin, people gossip about the Phantom Thieves being criminals, and Ren feels Ryuji pulls him a little closer, protectively.

Akechi’s offer is an obvious spider’s thread out of that sudden hell, but it’s much too convenient. Morgana starts gathering more information to support their suspicions, leaving Ren to enjoy a little of the evening activities of the school’s cultural festival. Yoshizawa captures her fellow students’ awe with her graceful movements — Ren himself might have mistaken her for a ballerina rather than a gymnast if he hadn’t known better. Then comes the bizarre Student Sharing Special, and somehow Ryuji ends up on stage, as frozen as if he’d been hit with ice magic.

Ren decides to rescue him — what are boyfriends for? — but that leaves _him_ on the stage with little to say himself. A text from Ryuji demands to know what he’s going to announce, and Ren types back the first thing he can think of.

 **[REN]** I think I’ll shout, “I love you, Sakamoto Ryuji!”

 **[RYUJI]** are you crazy!?

 **[RYUJI]** i am begging you, man, i don’t need that kind of label! I won’t be able to show my face here tomorrow!

The sudden denial hurts, but Ren fumbles his way through something else. Once he’s able to get off the stage, he finds Ryuji looking despondent.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Ren. I backslid. I panicked.”

Ren shakes his head and clasps Ryuji’s hand. “It’s okay. That wouldn’t have been the smartest way to spill the secret, anyway.”

“Don’t let me off the hook so quickly! Seriously, how can I make this up to you?”

As he mulls that over, a wonderful, _awful_ idea begins to form in his mind. “I’m sure I can think of _something_.”

They’ve gotten more adventurous with experience. Ren has devoured pertinent reading material and has even called in a couple of favors with Ohya or Iwai when he can’t make certain purchases as a minor. As it turns out, Ryuji and Ren have a great deal of sexual interests in common, right down to their kinks, and that makes experimentation all the easier. Switching and safewords and all kinds of stuff — it’s always a comfort how much Ryuji is willing to try out when they’re in private.

So when Ren tells Ryuji the punishment he has in mind, it doesn’t surprise him that, despite turning brick red and fidgeting up a storm, Ryuji agrees to it.

“It’s ‘cuz I got embarrassed that I panicked, so, gettin’ embarrassed even more and havin’ to deal with it makes sense for how I can make it up to you.”

“Thank you, Ryuji. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Dude, if you believe in me, I can do _anythin’_. Plus, gettin’ back at Akechi for all the bad press he’s given us is its own reward.”

Therefore, at the first possible opportunity, they set this plan into motion. Akechi brings it upon himself, in a way, by texting Ren to schedule an evening phone call with him. At the appointed time, Ren answers his phone when it buzzes, his tone cool and composed, but his other hand remains on Ryuji’s hip to steady him as he thrusts with intentional slowness into a Ryuji on his elbows and knees, hands tied together with a red ascot reminiscent of Skull’s attire. The amount of time it takes for Akechi to register strange noises in the background is _superbly_ entertaining.

“Amamiya… what exactly are you doing right now?”

“Stuff,” and Ren thrusts with punctuated force to make Ryuji cry out.

“Are you… watching an A/V of questionable content while you talk to me?”

“Akechi, I would _never_ be so rude to my one and only rival. But, here, I need to put you on speaker for a sec.”

“What? Why!?”

And that is where Ren sets his phone on the futon and focuses on driving Ryuji crazy. Despite being red up to his ears with embarrassment from this situation, Ryuji doesn’t hold back his voice. If anything, he doesn’t last as long as usual (a telling sign that a little humiliation is on the list of Ryuji’s kinks). Only after sending Ryuji into boneless bliss does Ren pick up his phone again, half expecting Akechi to have hung up.

“…Amamiya…”

“Hmm?”

“Are you… done _doing stuff_?”

“Yep. Stuff, say hi to Akechi.”

“Huh?” Ryuji’s voice is scratchy from all the noise he’s made, but he does as he’s told when Ren puts the phone up to his ear. “Hi, Akechi. I’m stuff, I think…”

Ren whisks the phone back to his own ear. “There, see?”

“C… Couldn’t you have waited until _after_ calling me to… to…”

“No, I really couldn’t. I’m afraid that when you’re in love, Akechi, you find that sometimes you just can’t control yourself.”

“Y… You…”

“Hmm? Is something wrong?”

“So many things are wrong…”

Ren lets the silence hang for a moment before pushing buttons. “Are you jealous?”

“J—! Jealous!? Me!? Of Sakamoto!?”

“I mean, it could have been of me, but thanks for confirming that I’m the one you want a piece of.”

“Oh, I want a piece of you, Amamiya, but in the pound of flesh kind of way, you… you…!”

“Hey Ryuji, we’ve put Akechi at a loss for words!”

Ryuji snickers.

Akechi sounds like he’s trying to pass a kidney stone. “If you can’t control yourself again, then _reschedule_!” And he hangs up.

Ren joins Ryuji as a sniggering heap on the futon.

“S-So that was fuckin’ embarrassin’, but also kinda…”

“Fun?” Ren supplies.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to push a little further? I think we could manage one more spectacle before Akechi is on his guard around us for all time.”

Ryuji chews on his lip for a moment before asking, “How far is a little further?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain the whole picture I have in mind.”

Because this is about pranking Akechi, Futaba willingly lends a little of her help, though she calls Ren all kinds of names about his being so horny. Since she has her digital claws in Akechi’s phone by now, it’s an easy enough task for her to make his SNS chat log list a time 15 minutes ahead of everyone else’s for the next meeting at the hideout. She also gives Ren an earbud that’s connected to the audio from the main floor of Leblanc.

“I’ll fill everyone else in and bring earplugs,” she promises. “Go wild, you funky lil’ Phantom Thief.”

Best honorary sister ever.

So that is how Akechi ends up in Leblanc with the unmistakable noises of sex from upstairs. Ren assumes that it’ll only take five minutes for Akechi to lose his calm and storm up to the attic to tell them off, but his rival holds out for nearly ten. No great loss; Ren has been taking his sweet time with Ryuji either way.

Even if Akechi had come up here single-mindedly, Ren knows he’s won a small victory when Akechi’s lecture catches in his throat upon actually _seeing_ them.

Ren is sitting up against the corner, wearing nothing but a dark tank top. Ryuji, however, is dressed for the occasion: a leather harness with snap hooks clipped to matching cuffs around his wrists and thighs, keeping his hands restrained to his sides and his legs spread apart as Ren props him up. A couple of vibrators lie on the sheets, showing obvious signs of recent use. Right now, Ren is using the latest (and largest) one to stir Ryuji up again after his second orgasm. Without stopping his hands, Ren smiles at Akechi.

“Can I help you with something? Though, I’m a little busy at the moment…”

“C…Clearly…” Akechi tears his eyes away from the pair of them, but does not leave. “Is there an actual meeting, or are you just having fun at my expense again?”

“Yes,” Ren replies.

The flush in Akechi’s face might be anger, might be embarrassment. So Ren gives one more push.

“Did you want to watch?”

“Of course not!” Akechi snaps, throwing Ren a glare.

“Then… to join in?”

“What is wrong with you!?”

“I guess I have a one-track mind these days. Hazard of having a hot boyfriend and a libido to match.” And he pinches one of Ryuji’s nipples.

Ryuji has been keeping his eyes tightly shut and his lower lip clamped under his teeth, but he keens in response and opens one eye just enough to catch Ren’s.

“Everyone else will arrive soon,” Ren assures the flustered and frustrated Akechi. “You can wait in the café or right where you are — up to you.”

Akechi doesn’t wait for Ren to tell him twice. His dark muttering is audible long after he’s stomped down the staircase, thanks to the earbud from Futaba. Ren is certain he hears at least one curse that would be damning to Akechi if Ren didn’t already know he was dealing with a two-faced liar.

“R… Ren…” Ryuji is debauched, his bangs plastered to his forehead, his sweet brown eyes unfocused, his every sinew taut with returning arousal.

“You’re so cute.” And Ren kisses the tip of his nose. “I think even Akechi was checking you out for a moment there.”

“T… Too bad for him,” Ryuji manages between heavy breaths, “I’m spoken for.”

“Yes, you are,” and Ren says it like the highest compliment. “Do you think you can come one more time?”

Ryuji squirms as Ren pushes the vibrator in deeper, but the noise he makes is a pleasant one. “I’ll t-try… for you…”

“Such a good boy.”

From the café’s audio, Ren hears the others’ arrival. He might as well listen in while he slowly works Ryuji over…

“By the look on your face, ‘Kechi,” Futaba says just then, “I’m guessing you found the lovebirds in heat upstairs?”

Akechi must still be shocked, because he doesn’t even take note of Futaba’s sudden choice of unflattering nickname for him. “I’m in hell, and Amamiya put me there.” He groans. “Are they _always_ like that!?”

“Always, I’m afraid,” Makoto bemoans. “I suppose the hormonal drives of two teenage boys can’t be underestimated.”

“What else would you expect from them, after they’d been pining after each other like clueless idiots for months?” Ann points out.

“I wonder when they’ll announce their engagement,” Haru muses.

“I brought earplugs!” Futaba announces. “Inari, here you go.”

“I shan’t be needing them.” The sound of shuffling as if Yusuke is picking up his bag. “This is an opportunity.”

“Inari, you can’t be serious!”

Ann gasps. “Yusuke, you aren’t going to—”

“Ren!” Yusuke calls up, loud enough that Ren and Ryuji can both hear him. “May I come upstairs?”

“What is _wrong_ with you people!?” Akechi shrieks.

“Well?” Ren tips Ryuji’s chin back so they can make full eye contact. “Do you think you can handle Yusuke seeing you like this?”

“I’m… gonna die, Ren…”

“You know what to tell me if you can’t handle it, right?”

Ryuji nods. “I didn’t forget.” He swallows. “I… can handle it… Gonna die later, though…”

“Good boy.” Ren then calls downstairs, “Sure thing, Yusuke!”

“Splendid!”

“Inari, I told you, that’s voyeurism!”

“An artist knows no shame.”

Futaba groans loudly before giving up. “Fine, whatever. Earplugs for everyone else, then. ‘Kechi, I guess you can have Inari’s. Sorry for hazing you so much.”

“H… Hazing? This was _hazing_?”

Ann laughs. “Yep!”

“Now that we’re collaborating, it seemed only fair that you join us in our suffering,” Makoto explains.

“I wonder if poor Ryuji-kun’s body will be all right,” says Haru.

“Don’t worry about that, Haru-chan,” Ann assures her. “Ren does a lot of research about this stuff — I’ve caught him reading up when we’re supposed to be doing individual studying in class. I’m sure he’ll take good care of Ryuji.”

“How can you all be so blasé about this!?” Akechi sounds near the end of his rope.

By that point, Yusuke has climbed the stairs. Where Akechi had frozen in horror, Yusuke’s face lights up with curiosity. “Oh! May I pull a chair over?”

“Help yourself,” Ren even shifts slightly so that Yusuke can get a better view.

“Human desire is such a fascinating subject. I knew I couldn’t let this chance slip by.”

“R… Ren…”

Both Ren and Yusuke pause when Ryuji manages to speak up.

“Mm? What is it, Ryu?”

Ryuji quivers a little at the nickname, but gets his words out all the same. “T… Toy… Take it out?”

“Is it too much for you?”

Ryuji shakes his head. “W… Want you… instead…”

Ren nearly squeals from how cute it is to see Ryuji being honest like that. “Of course.”

Yusuke has already turned two pages over in his sketchbook after drawing at top speed. “Breathtaking. Inspiring! I’m transported!”

“Y-Yusuke, man, you don’t have to— _ah_!”

In two swift motions, Ren pulls the vibrator out of Ryuji and then fills the vacated space with himself. Ryuji squirms as he begins to move in slow thrusts.

“Make sure Yusuke can see the cute face you’re making,” Ren commands in sweet tones pressed to Ryuji’s ear. “Yusuke, I definitely want to see these sketches afterward.”

“Naturally.”

Ren could drag this out for a long time, but since there is an actual meeting to get to afterwards, he builds up his pace. Before long, Ryuji is whimpering with every one of Ren’s movements.

“Ryu, do you want to come?”

“Y… Yeah… please, Ren…”

“Do you think you can come just from this?” Ren has intentionally not touched Ryuji’s dick this round, and he’s hoping that will pay off.

“I’ll… try… F… For you…”

Ren works quickly to unlatch Ryuji’s wrists and thighs so that he can more easily renegotiate their position, pushing Ryuji down onto his side and lifting one leg over his shoulder. As much as Ryuji writhes now, he doesn’t touch himself. Ren praises him before leaning down to kiss and then bite a pert nipple. Ryuji cries out — practically screams — as his whole body shakes and his insides convulse tightly around Ren’s dick. Knowing he’s pushed Ryuji over the edge, Ren quickly focuses on reaching his own climax by fucking Ryuji through his orgasm. It doesn’t take him long.

Ren recovers himself first, and he looks to Yusuke. “Had fun? Learned something?”

For all Yusuke had said about an artist knowing no shame, he is quite pink in the face. “I… have learned a great deal…”

“Can you go back downstairs now? We’ll be there soon.”

“…Right.” With somewhat robotic movements, Yusuke packs up his sketchbook and waddles down to the café.

“Oh, my god, Inari, your face!”

“I regret nothing.”

“I regret so much,” Akechi laments.

“Are they actually coming?” Ann asks.

“Yes. Ren said…”

Ren takes out the earbud and focuses all of his attention on Ryuji now. “You okay?”

“I’m… spent as fuck, dude…”

“Anything else?”

“Embarrassed as fuck…”

“But you stuck with it anyway.” Ren tilts his face up for a gentle kiss. “I’m very proud of you.”

“Can’t believe… Yusuke… I’m gonna die…”

“Don’t die. Here, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Ryuji stays languid as Ren unbuckles him from the harness, wipes him down, and puts fresh clothes on him. Even when they are finally both presentable, Ryuji leans into Ren as they walk downstairs.

“Oh, is the nightmare over?” Futaba asks with one earplug out.

“Yep. Sorry to cause so much trouble.” Ren grins at Akechi. “Want some apology coffee?”

Akechi glares at him, but accepts the coffee all the same.

“Aww, Ryuji, you’re following Ren like a little duckling!” Ann coos. “So cute~”

Ryuji presses his face deeper into the back of Ren’s shoulder. “Fuckin’ tired…”

Ren pets Ryuji’s head even as he mills around for the right coffee beans. “He tends to be adorably docile after I’m rough with him.”

“Uke Skull…” Futaba mutters incredulously, pulling out her phone to take a picture.

“At least he’ll be quiet that way,” Morgana points out.

“Mona-chan, did you only just get here?” Haru asks.

“I knew better than to come home early, given what these two tend to get up to at all hours.”

“Knew better,” Akechi echoes, “I should have known better…”

After providing everyone with a round of coffee (hot chocolate for Ryuji), Ren settles into a booth. The meeting finally starts, and no one comments on the fact that Ryuji puts his head in Ren’s lap and goes to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pushing Akechi's buttons is just so entertaining, knowing that he's a feral Loki gremlin inside.  
> I also just enjoy letting Ren and Ryuji have some fun in the midst of sexy times.  
> Oh, Futaba's nickname for Akechi is a pun of the Japanese word [kechi](https://www.nihongomaster.com/dictionary/entry/116825/kechi#:~:text=noun%20\(common\)%20\(futsuumeishi\),penny%2Dpinching)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next couple of chapters will have increasing amounts of plot summarizing and the same or similar lines from conversations in the game, but with pegoryu sprinkled liberally on top because atlus put all of this subtext in my lap~

November hurtles towards its end. Maruki leaves Shujin after completing his teaching period. The Phantom Thieves conquer Niijima Sae’s Palace. Futaba and Morgana trace out each step necessary in order to preserve Ren’s life should the worst happen.

Ren had prepared himself to be treated roughly upon his arrest, but imagination hadn’t been enough to brace him for the full extent. There are moments during his interrogation that he nearly forgets his purpose, nearly loses his grip on the one path which can save him. Even after everything goes to plan and Sae brings him home, Ren doesn’t feel quite tethered properly to his own body. It’s frustrating.

His head throbs in ten different places, but the ache goes deeper than that, too. Even if the worst of the drugs have worn off, they’ve left their own brand of hangover in his system. He’s grateful for Sojiro’s support as he’s shepherded into Leblanc, though the familiar scents are somewhat stopped up by his bruised sinuses. (Frankly, is there any part of him that _isn’t_ bruised?)

Everyone is waiting, overjoyed the moment they see him. Their voices swirl in his ears from too much input, but he can tell they’re all concerned for his wellbeing. He finds his anchor the moment Ryuji is at his side, leading the pack to greet him at the entrance. Ren tries to show everyone a smile, some small proof that he’s okay, but all too quickly standing up becomes too much, and he clings to Ryuji to keep his knees from buckling altogether.

When everyone shuffles into booths and onto stools as Sae marvels at the Phantom Thieves’ plan, Ren follows Ryuji’s move to a padded bench. Having him there, shielding him from the door, is reassuring. After so many sessions and conversations with Maruki, Ren knows enough of the symptoms to recognize post-traumatic stress as he experiences it, but that doesn’t make it magically go away. So instead, Ren closes his eyes and tells himself on repeat: he’s safe now; Ryuji won’t let anything happen to him; he’s safe with Ryuji.

He has a vague awareness of inserting comments in the conversation recapping their brilliantly executed plan to trick Akechi into thinking he had won. But the pain in his head seems intent on making a comeback, until the last clear thought Ren has is of keeling over in his seat and against Ryuji’s shoulder. He feels bad for the fuss everyone seems to break out into upon his collapse, but he can’t connect thoughts to words anymore. Everything is detached and hazy. From somewhere, he hears Ryuji telling him Makoto has gone for Takemi.

How much time passes, Ren hasn’t a clue. He comes around lying on his bed with Takemi’s furrowed brow above him.

“Glad you’re alive,” she says languidly.

“Glad to be alive, unless you’re about to give me some special medication.”

“Nope, all standard treatment today, kid. Just don’t go crazy on the pain-killers.”

“Yes, ma’am…”

“So polite. You really did take some serious blows to the head.”

“I’m always polite.”

“Mm-hmm. Sure.” Smiling, she straightens and looks to the rest of the room: Sojiro, Makoto, and Ryuji. “Nothing’s broken. Just a whole lot of bruised. He’ll be fine with some rest and TLC. The side-effects from the drugs he was given will have flushed out by tomorrow.”

Sojiro follows Takemi downstairs, asking her if Ren shouldn’t eat spicy foods while he’s injured, but Makoto and Ryuji sidle up to the futon. Morgana pokes his head up as well.

“I’m glad it looks worse than it is,” says Morgana.

“It looks that bad?” asks Ren.

“Dude, you look like you were run over by a truck, and then it backed up and ran you over the other way.”

Ren laughs, and then regrets it from the ache in his ribs. “That sounds pretty ugly.”

“I mean, if it was between you right now and Kamoshida…”

“Ouch.” Overacting an injured expression, Ren throws the laziest of punches into Ryuji’s arm. “Can’t you be nicer to your poor boyfriend who’s just escaped certain death?”

Makoto steps in with her naturally authoritative tone. “If you’re feeling good enough to make jokes, Ren-kun, then have the good sense to rest, understand?”

Ren nods, closes his eyes, and sinks a little deeper into his futon. After Makoto’s retreating footsteps have faded out, though, Ren hears Ryuji pull over the chair from the wall.

“All seriousness, man… are you okay?”

Ren cracks open an eye. The expression on Ryuji’s face could make him fall in love all over again.

“I will be,” he decides to answer.

“Do you… wanna be left alone? Or… I mean… that Takemi lady did say something about TLC, so… n-nothin’ to tax your body, but…”

Ren lifts up the covers in invitation. In record time, Ryuji has discarded his shoes and outer layers and snuggled in on the wall side, his chest to Ren’s back and his arms around Ren in as tight a hug as he dares without doing more harm than good.

“Better?” Ryuji checks.

“Much.”

“Oi,” Morgana pipes up, “what am I, chopped liver?”

“Snuggling with my cat-shaped friend is different from snuggling with the boy of my dreams, Morgana. You can still have the foot of the bed, though?”

“Boy of your dreams?” Ryuji echoes, and Ren can hear the blush in his voice.

“Got a problem with that?”

“N-No. Just… I’m honored?”

“Only the best for you.”

Ignoring their mushy display, Morgana harrumphs a little more, but hops up onto the end of the futon and curls around himself.

After that, Ren tries to settle in and persuade himself to sleep. Ryuji’s body spray is a familiar and comforting scent, and it helps to crowd out the memory of that concrete room so far underground. Ren almost wants to roll over so he can bury his face in Ryuji’s shirt and get more of that spiced citrus smell, but that would mean exposing his back to the doorless entrance of the attic. Much better to know that Ryuji has his back. Even looking to the open staircase, Ren is ill at ease. What if Akechi comes looking for him after all?

“…You’re shakin’,” Ryuji comments, obviously concerned. “Is there anythin’ I can do?”

Ren bites his lip. It isn’t as if he’s never cried in front of Ryuji, but the rational side of his brain is immensely frustrated with the introduction of irrational, primal fear.

“I… I don’t really know,” he admits, his voice fragile. “Even if Takemi said nothing’s broken, I feel…”

Ryuji’s lips press gently to his cheek. “I get what you mean. Kamoshida didn’t just break my leg — he pretty much ruined my ability to trust anyone, especially adults. If it wasn’t for you, I’d still probably be keepin’ everybody at arm’s length.” Another sweet kiss. “You helped me learn how to trust people again. And I’ll be here for you to return the favor.”

That reassurance unstoppers his tears, but Ryuji just holds him all the more tenderly as he cries himself to sleep.

Many hours later, Ren stirs from the sound of creaking wood and cracks his eyes open to find Sojiro with a glass of water.

“Came to check on you. Did I wake you?”

“It’s okay…” Ren extricates himself from Ryuji’s embrace enough to accept the glass of water and drink half of it. Only after this does he realize that Sojiro has just found him in bed with his boyfriend… who Ren hasn’t told Sojiro about being his boyfriend… Oops.

But Sojiro just pats the top of Ren’s head. “If that Sakamoto boy doesn’t treat you right, I’ll box his ears.”

“Thanks, Sojiro-san.”

As if knowing he’s being talked about, Ryuji mumbles in his sleep and plants his face against Ren’s back with a contented sigh.

Sojiro chuckles, then he sets the glass of water on the shelf within Ren’s reach and takes his leave.

Ren reckons he wouldn’t have been able to sleep at all that night without Ryuji. He wouldn’t mind keeping Ryuji at his side at all times from then on, actually, but missing school right now would only make Ryuji look suspicious. So he settles for giving Ryuji plenty of good morning kisses and plenty more see-you-later kisses before sending Ryuji off. From the look on Ryuji’s face before he disappears around the corner, he would much rather stay with Ren, too. That’s enough to get Ren through the day without him.

One would think that laying low would give Ren much more discretionary time, but he tends to spend most of his mornings recuperating in bed. At least that way he has enough energy to get things done in the afternoons and evenings. The realization that their nemesis, Shido, is also the person who had falsely sued Ren for assault only adds fuel to the fire for everyone to make him have a change of heart as soon as possible. (Ryuji, predictably, almost starts a fight with the man on the spot when they accidentally get too close to his entourage.) The Palace is on a level unlike any they’ve dealt with so far, but perhaps that just makes it all the more fitting for their grand finale. After much hard work, many head-scratching puzzles, and a confrontation with Akechi that turns tragic in more ways than one, the Phantom Thieves are ready to send their flashiest calling card yet.

Fighting Shido’s Shadow is no easy task. It takes nearly everything they have to beat him in round after round of increasingly taxing combat. And there’s no time for relief after they’ve finally won, because the Shadow suddenly melts away and the ship starts sinking around them. They scramble back to the entrance, searching for a spot stable enough to let them exit the Metaverse safely.

Makoto grabs their attention. “There! A lifeboat!”

“It’s no use,” Yusuke protests. “We’ll never make it there in time!”

“…I got this.” Everyone gawks at Ryuji’s declaration, but he just continues, “Hang tight. I’ll nab the boat!”

Ren reaches for him, but Ryuji has already jumped down and taken off toward the lifeboat at full speed.

An icy feeling of dread clamps down on Ren’s chest. Yusuke has to push him forward as the rest of the group moves. Ryuji is incredible, vaulting across a large gap where water has flowed in, scrambling his way up the steep incline of the damaged deck, and launching up a service ladder to pull the lever needed to release the lifeboat. Ren helps the others clamber onto the boat once it’s within reach, and then he looks up and sees Ryuji hanging there by one arm, grinning and giving him a thumbs up like everything will work out.

“We’re coming!” he shouts, but his voice cracks. He doesn’t like the look on Ryuji’s face one bit. It looks like acceptance, like his work is done. Ren is afraid of that look and of what it could forebode. They have to get over there _now_.

An explosion goes off a moment later, then another, and another, and Ryuji is nowhere to be seen when the smoke clears. Ren’s gasp feels more like the start of hyperventilation. He grips the railing of the lifeboat and tries to grapple with what he’s seeing. Beside him, Ann screams Ryuji’s name.

Ren can’t move or speak or feel much of anything but cold as the Metaverse dissolves around them. Everyone picks themselves up from the ordeal and looks around… everyone but Ryuji. Ren has some awareness of Ann and Futaba’s choked sobs, of Yusuke’s bitter laughter at the cruelty of the universe, but he can’t process these things. The blood in his ears is a prayer drum, beating out a horrible reality he doesn’t want to accept.

Ryuji… Ryuji is gone…

“Whoa, man, that was close! Why are Palaces always explodin', huh? Like, can’t they just disappear calmly for once?”

Ren looks up. There, no worse for wear aside from a tired expression, is Ryuji. Ann starts shouting at him, as soon as Ryuji teases her for not having a cute crying face. Haru, Makoto, and Futaba join her to give Ryuji a slapdown for scaring them half to death, and Ren is still too paralyzed to stop them. Only after the girls have dealt adequate punishment and the Thieves have begun to talk about other plans for the night does Ryuji meet Ren’s gaze.

“What, you gonna beat me up, too?” Ryuji says defensively as he slumps against a streetlamp for support. “I get it, okay? Sorry I freaked you all out. But I saved us, right? It was kinda cool to be the hero for onc—”

By that point, Ren has tackled him, a raw, visceral sob tearing its way out of his lungs. Loving Ryuji hasn’t been scary for Ren since they had gotten together, but this… this had been a whole new and much worse kind of scary. Is breaking down the price he’ll have to pay for having someone about whom he cares so irreplaceably much?

“See, look!” Ann snaps, her own voice still a little shaky. “You made Ren cry!”

“Suffer for your blockheadedness, Skull!” Futaba adds.

“Hey, what!? Shit, Ren, I’m really sorry…”

“Don’t!” Ren can’t remember the last time he’d cried like this. Has he ever? The insides of his glasses are smeared with tears, and he clings to Ryuji with all of his strength even as his body is wracked by each heaving breath. “Don’t ever, _ever_ do that again! Promise me!”

Ryuji’s arms gingerly wrap around him, one hand petting the back of his head. “O-Okay. I promise.”

“Do you mean it!?”

“I mean it. Shit… Ren… I don’t ever wanna make you this torn up ever again, okay?” And he kisses Ren’s forehead. “I’m sorry. You must’ve gotten so scared for me.”

Ren lets out all of the terror he’d felt in those few minutes, wearing his voice ragged as he sobs into Ryuji’s chest. He knows he _should_ be able just to be happy that Ryuji is all right, but he can’t brush aside the emptiness which had seized him at the thought of losing the person he loves. It had been a hundred times worse than being hit by Despair from a Shadow. There’s no way Ren could have contained this feeling, and the only way he can relieve it is by pouring all of it out for Ryuji to hear and see, to make Ryuji understand what he had done.

The others must be content to leave Ren in Ryuji’s care, because when Ren finally regains enough calm to look around, they’re alone.

“F… Feel better, now?” Ryuji does look properly penitent, and he holds Ren as delicately as if he were made of glass.

Ren sniffles, then nods.

“I’ll take you home to Leblanc, okay?”

Another nod, but then Ren tugs on Ryuji’s sleeve. “Stay with me?”

“Tonight? Sure. I mean, after what I pulled, you get whatever you want tonight.”

“Whatever I want?”

“Y… Yeah.”

“Then… keep holding me?”

“Right now?”

“Mm.”

Embarrassment and fear furrow Ryuji’s brow, but Ren watches him steel himself with a slow breath until his expression softens again. “Okay. You got it.”

True to his word, Ryuji keeps a consoling arm around Ren during their entire trip, and he even presses gentle kisses into his hair whenever Ren sniffles or tears up again. They get the odd look here or there from the few people still on the trains at this hour, but Ryuji keeps his eyes on Ren. Soijro has already gone home by the time they reach Leblanc, but that’s for the best. As upset as Ren had gotten, he wouldn’t want Sojiro to give Ryuji a hard time for making him cry.

Morgana traipses down the stairs just as Ren is washing his face in the bathroom sink. The half-open door does nothing to muffle voices.

“Is he okay?” Morgana asks.

“Yeah. Thanks for hitchin’ a ride home with Futaba instead.”

“Not a problem.” A pause. “Um, as much as everyone whaled on you tonight, thanks for saving our hides, blondie. We might all have died if you hadn’t taken that crazy risk.”

“S-Sure! I’d say I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but… seein’ Ren fall apart was the absolute worst. I feel really shitty about that. So I’ll do my best to reel in the crazy. But, uh, thanks for thankin’ me, I guess? Means a lot, comin’ from you, Morgana.”

“Ah.” Another pause. “So, are you… staying over?”

“Yeah.”

“You gonna… comfort him?”

“…That’s the plan.”

“As in, the kind of comforting him I don’t wanna see?”

“Possibly. I said he gets whatever he wants tonight, so it’s really up to him.”

“Then I’ll go ahead and make myself scarce. I’ll be at Futaba-chan’s if anyone needs me.”

“Sure thing.”

Ren waits until the conversation is properly done before emerging from the bathroom. Ryuji turns to him and smiles sympathetically.

“Dude, your eyes are all puffy.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Sorry…”

Rather than guilt-trip him more, Ren just plants his face in Ryuji’s chest and squeezes him tightly.

“…You wanna go upstairs?” Ryuji asks.

Ren nods.

After they have shuffled up to the attic and over to Ren’s futon, Ryuji puts an arm around Ren again, petting his head.

“Y’know, even with puffy eyes, you’re real cute.”

“Trying to butter me up, are you?”

“Is it workin’?”

Ren answers by pinching Ryuji’s side.

“Ow. Sorry. So… what do you wanna do now? I’m sure I’ve earned a massive punishment for the shit I pulled, so is this the part where you tie me up and—”

Ren shakes his head.

“Wait, really? I mean, normally—”

“Tonight isn’t normally,” Ren insists, and his voice is still rough from so much crying.

“So, then…”

Ren locks eyes with Ryuji. “I’m a mess, Ryuji. All it took was losing you for less than five minutes, and I fell completely apart, even after learning that you were all right. Do you have any idea how weak I am for you?”

“S… Some of an idea? I mean, I’m pretty weak for you, too.” He fidgets. “Should I feel badly that you care that much?”

“No. I just want as much assurance as you can give me that, from now on, you understand the impact you have on me.” Ren inhales slowly, but that doesn’t banish the cold, hollow feeling from his limbs.“So… what do you think I want tonight?”

“Ren-Ren, you’re asking the dumbest dude on the team to read your mind…”

“No, I’m asking my reckless boyfriend to use his fully-capable brain so he can make me _feel_ his promise that he won’t die on me.”

“Did you not believe me when I promised?”

“It’s not about that. My head understands and believes you, but my body is still on full alert, waiting for the worst to happen.” He sighs and wilts a little. “Maybe that’s just how us kids with abandonment issues try to cope.”

“Oh… yeah. I’ve been there. It’s a pretty shitty feeling.” Ryuji’s eyes drift away, and his mouth scrunches up with concentration. “O… Okay… I’ll do my best.”

“I know you will. You always do your best.”

“I think my piles of shitty grades would disagree, but…” He flushes. “I-If you say so…”

“I do say so.” He leans deeper into Ryuji’s shoulder. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. And I’m really sorry that I put you through that. I… I can imagine what it would feel like for me if it was the other way around, you know? If I wasn’t in on the plan for fakin’ your death and all, I would have been so scared for you. …No, even knowin’ it, I was scared that some cop would go too far interrogatin’ you and… Well, I was beyond relieved when you walked through Leblanc’s door, even if all those bruises made me wanna give the bastards that had hurt you a piece of my mind.”

“My hero.”

“Dude, now who’s butterin’ up who?” Ryuji hums a little as he continues to think. “Would something, like, _soft_ be okay?”

Ren cracks a small smile. “You’re on the right track.”

“Do you… want me to take care of you?”

“Two for two. See? You’re more intuitive than you give yourself credit for.”

The encouragement relaxes Ryuji, and his posture gains some of the confidence which Ren so likes to see there. “Mm. Okay. I think I got an idea what you want. Look here?”

Ren obliges, but Ryuji puts a finger under his chin all the same. His deep brown eyes are warm, ready to accept all that Ren wants to give him.

“It’s gonna be okay, Ren. I’m not gonna die on you. And I’m gonna make sure you feel all the way down to your bones how much you mean to me.”

With soft words and even softer touches, Ryuji strips Ren down to his skin, and then some. His penchant to be talkative when taking the lead resurfaces, but the things he murmurs into Ren’s ear are more romantic than sexual. Like how much he wants to be close to Ren all the time, how pretty Ren looks when he’s a little spacey, how he really wishes that Ren wouldn’t have to go back to his parents’ home after his probationary period ends. He pulls the breath from Ren’s lungs with little more than long, soulful looks, until Ren thinks that he might as well rely on Ryuji to sustain him rather than the air. He’s melting under this kind warmth.

“Do you want more?” Ryuji asks, lightly trailing one hand down Ren’s thigh.

Ren nods and spreads his legs.

Ryuji smiles. “You know, you’re the cutest thing. I kinda wanna just… eat you up.” And, to Ren’s immense yet pleasant surprise, he scoots down the futon and wraps his mouth over the head of Ren’s dick.

Among all that they had done when intimate together, Ryuji hadn’t yet done _this_. Ren had never pushed him about it, suspecting that his reluctance had something to do with that lingering internalized stigma. For Ryuji to take this step without any prompting… it brings warmth back to his fingers, chasing away the hollow chill he’d felt since Ryuji’s dangerous stunt in the Metaverse.

As if reading his thoughts, Ryuji pulls off so that he can speak, and he laughs. “Wow. Dunno what I was so worried about. Seein’ the look on your face when I go down on ya… _definitely_ work suckin’ dick.” He kisses the shaft and winks at Ren. “I’m here for you, Ren-Ren. I’ll stick by you for as long as you want me, and probably then some.”

Ren knows his face has turned pink and hot. “P… Pick whether you’re going to be sweet or sexy. I can’t handle both.”

“Oh? Has the time finally come for me to break your mind?”

“ _Ryuji_ —” But his protest for being teased dies off as a series of tremulous moans as Ryuji runs his tongue around the head and over the slit and along every vein.

It’s almost torturous, how slowly Ryuji sucks him off. Clearly he has picked up ideas from having Ren do this to him before, but to apply those ideas so well on the first try? Where is the cheat code Ryuji is using? He holds Ren’s hips down whenever Ren tries to speed things up and catches Ren’s hands before they can latch onto his hair and move his head faster. Ren has given power over to Ryuji before during sex, of course, but that’s usually when they’re playing rough. The combination with this softness is inexplicably more potent. It’s like Ryuji is telling him to lie back and let Ryuji take care of absolutely everything for him. To entrust himself to Ryuji by his own choice entirely. So eventually, Ren stops trying to rush or struggle. He surrenders, and somehow feels all the freer for it.

Ryuji doesn’t have an athlete’s stamina for nothing. Even doing all the work, he doesn’t seem tired at all by the time he coaxes Ren’s orgasm out of him. Through bleary eyes, Ren can tell that Ryuji makes sure he’s watching before he swallows. So hot…

“Do you want more?” Ryuji asks, crawling back up the futon so he can brush some of Ren’s sweaty bangs away from his face. “I can think of lots more ways I can make your body remember how much you mean to me.”

If he thought about it with a clear, unaroused head, Ren might claim this had been enough. But right now, with Ryuji looking at him so tenderly, Ren just feels his throat go dry from thirst.

“Mm. More is… good.”

Ryuji smiles. “How did I get so lucky as to get the most adorable boyfriend in the world, huh?”

As Ryuji begins kissing his way down Ren’s neck to start round two, Ren thinks luck had nothing to do with it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of plot synopsis here, but bear with me :') This fic is definitely going to be longer than 6 chapters but hopefully less than 10?

The happiness from that night of lovemaking gives Ren energy for _days_. He can guess Ryuji feels similarly, since he has a new spring in his step every time Ren sees him. On the eighteenth, Ryuji even holds Ren’s hand in public as the Phantom Thieves stand in a cluster and look up at the plaza screen showing Shido announcing his guilt for all to hear. It seems like they might actually get a happy ending.

Except no one around them seems _happy_ about this turn of events. For that first night, the Phantom Thieves ignore the lack of public disillusionment and throw a little victory party for themselves at Leblanc. But, over the course of the next several days as the Shujin students prepare for final exams, it’s clear that people have gone into denial faster than Ren would ever have imagined. Calling an emergency meeting, the Phantom Thieves discuss their options, and finally decide that finding the bottom of Mementos and stealing the treasure of the masses is their only real lead.

Of course, they can only get said treasure if they can live through the unexpected appearance of a final boss waiting for them in the bowels of Mementos. This Holy Grail business is difficult even for Ren to grasp. But everyone does their best to wear the enormous chalice down, until finally the entity expels them from Mementos by force. Before they can plan what to do next, Mementos seems to follow them to the surface, cracking the pavement and shooting massive skeletal structures up into the sky. No one around them seems to notice or care. Then, one by one, they fall to their knees in pain. Ryuji — beautiful, brazen Ryuji — holds out the longest and even curses at the Holy Grail since it is the likeliest culprit, but he collapses, too, and then he screams. Ren crawls to his side to see what’s wrong, but it quickly becomes obvious. Ryuji… no, all of them, are becoming transparent and intangible. Fading away like Shadows. The Holy Grail mocks them in a booming voice, lauding that they will no longer be recognized by the public cognition and therefore can no longer exist in the fusion between reality and Mementos. Ren tries his best to hold onto Ryuji despite the pain. If this is the end of their existence, then at least they can go together, right?

But when the darkness that envelops him lifts, and Ren finds himself back in the Velvet Room, he is alone. The rational and reliable part of his brain pays attention to what happens there — the revelation that the Igor he has spoken to all of this time is an imposter, the explanation that Caroline and Justine are two halves of the whole Lavenza — but a voice in the back of his mind doesn’t stop shouting at him to find out what has happened to the others. To Ryuji.

So when Lavenza points him in the right direction, he runs. Sure enough, Ryuji is inside one of the cells. He looks unharmed, but… despondent. He barely even reacts as Ren approaches.

“Yo. Looks like we’re both somehow still alive and kickin’… But, where at?”

“It would take a long time to explain,” Ren hedges. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay.”

“Mm…”

Again, Ryuji doesn’t look as glad as he normally would to be talking to Ren. Is this some effect of being imprisoned in this dimension? Ren doesn’t like it.

Ryuji shifts a little in his seat on the floor, and his gaze gets even more distant. “Man, this prison cell kinda makes me think of when we first met… And remember how Shibuya was all fucked up just now? But, like, nobody was seein’ any of it… No, it was more like they didn’t wanna see any of it…”

Not sure where Ryuji is going with this just yet, Ren keeps quiet and lets him talk.

“What the hell…” Ryuji’s frame sags a little lower, and his voice wavers. “So even all them people who were sufferin’, and cheerin’ for us to come and help them… In reality, they would’ve rather just had everything stay how it was? Did what we were doin’ have any meanin’ at all?”

Ren wants to grip the bars of this cell and rip them off, but a hunch tells him it’ll be more important for Ryuji to leave this cell of his own accord, so he just balls his hands into fists at his sides. “Of course it did.”

That answer doesn’t seem to be enough. Ryuji’s breath still comes in and out heavily, and he seems like he might cry. “Y’know, back when I thought we were gonna die without learnin’ the truth about all this… I kinda felt for the first time that maybe we hadn’t been doin’ the right thing… That maybe we deserved to lose… You get me?”

It’s such an honest question that Ren cedes a little. Perhaps empathy is more important right now than blunt facts. “I get you.” They’ve all entertained a little doubt in this off-the-beaten path of theirs.

“Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I started all of this ‘cuz of how pissed off I was. Maybe it’s never been about winnin’ or anything like that… Maybe all I was doin’ was just continuin’ my own defiance…”

“Ryuji… that’s fine.”

For the first time in the conversation, Ryuji perks up. “It’s… fine?” Then, after a pregnant pause, he laughs. “You’re right. I get it now… We’re doin’ this to make sure people don’t gotta go through the same crap we did. It doesn’t matter if they think we’re just or not. We gotta do what we believe in!” He stands, and adds, “Heh, and it’s not like people think much of me anyways. I’m gonna dash through this the only way I know how!”

At that moment, Ryuji’s clothes reform into Skull’s, and the bars of the cell disappear. Ryuji joins him in the hallway, smiling. “Heh, you got me outta prison, just like before. Thanks…” Then he shifts his weight around and kicks at the ground. “Y’know, it’s kinda embarrassin’ to say this, but I’m really glad I met you.”

In spite of the somber moment, Ren laughs. “I’m sorry, out of _everything_ we’ve said and done together as boyfriends, _that’s_ where you get embarrassed?”

“Sh-Shut up!” Ryuji’s idea of getting him to stop is to grab his face and kiss him, but even then Ren giggles for a bit longer. The kiss is sloppy and fueled by the adrenaline of having not died, but Ren wouldn’t call it a bad kiss all the same.

“All right,” Ryuji cheers when they finally part, “I’m done gettin’ my ass kicked! That shiny bastard acts like it’s some kinda god… I ain’t gonna feel good until we deal with it!” He catches Ren’s eye again and grins. “Let’s head out. We’re gonna take down that asshole, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Ren considers for a moment. “Hey, Ryuji?”

“Hmm?”

“Just so you know, I think the world of you.”

“Wh…” Even under Skull’s mask, Ren can tell Ryuji is blushing. “Where’d that come from?”

“You made that self-deprecating comment about people not thinking much of you. So I thought I’d remind you that I’m not _people_. I’m your boyfriend. And I think the world of you.”

“Dude… Th-That’s really sweet, thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” And he kisses Ryuji’s cheek. “One of these days, I’ll even get you to believe it. Just you wait.”

With the panic of being separated from Ryuji placated, Ren visits the other cells and frees the rest of his companions. Once everyone is assembled, the Phantom Thieves finally hear the answers to Morgana’s existence and follow their friend’s lead from the Velvet Room into the nightmarish fusion of Mementos and reality. Clawing their way through foe after foe, they finally reach the temple at the summit, but things only get tougher from there. Yaldabaoth at full power makes Shido look like small potatoes. How they get through that ordeal, Ren himself barely knows. It feels like being dropped into a giant mecha battle near the end, but, hey, Ren won’t look a gift horse of the prayers of the masses in the mouth.

On the high of kicking a false god’s ass, the final days of the year pass in a peculiar blur. Akechi, having somehow survived, turns himself in to Nijima Sae in Ren’s stead. Ren calls Ryuji over to spend the rest of Christmas Eve together — it is a couples’ holiday and they might as well capitalize on Christmas-themed kinky plays, right? The Phantom Thieves convene the next day to celebrate Christmas proper, and then again on New Year’s Eve, even roping Yoshizawa and Sae into the festivities. Futaba cheers about everything resolving as a happy ending after all, and Ren can’t find any reason to disagree.

Ren goes to sleep that night thinking about meeting up with Yoshizawa, since he had promised to go with her for their first shrine visit of the year. The dream he has is bizarre to say the least: wandering around Shujin in his prisoner garb from the Velvet Room as he follows a blue butterfly and hears his companions’ voices echoing around him. They say one’s first dream of the year is significant, but Ren doesn’t have a clue what his is supposed to mean.

He’s still dazed after waking up, and when Sojiro calls him downstairs to help behind the counter he barely registers getting dressed for the day. Halfway through washing a sinkful of dishes, Ren notices he’s wearing an accessory that hadn’t been there before: a sleek black metallic ring on his left hand… on the ring finger, to boot. Despite having no memory of where it had come from, Ren gets an inexplicable feeling of warmth and rightness when he looks at it.

With that, and the offhanded thought of where Morgana might have wandered off to today, Ren steps outside and heads to Meiji Shrine. Yoshizawa is waiting for him, pretty as a package in her elaborate kimono. Ren hopes that she isn’t trying to catch his eye in a romantic way — it’s not like he goes around announcing on a megaphone that he’s gay (or that he has a boyfriend who is still scared of coming out in the open). But, Ren can at least appreciate her taste in coordination, so he compliments her. Sure enough, she’s a little pink in the face as they walk under the torii to the main shrine building. Maybe Ren should disillusion her sooner rather than later, just to be safe.

They toss in their offerings and make their wishes in the usual New Year’s routine, and just as they finish, Ren hears familiar voices coming up behind them. Unsurprisingly, one in particular sticks out to him the most.

“Man, the end of the year was just a few hours ago. I _know_ I’m gonna use the wrong year for a while.”

Ren turns just as Ryuji notices him. “Eh?” The other Phantom Thieves catch on moments later, but Ryuji has already picked up his pace, wearing the most adoring expression. “Ren-Ren!”

Ren barely has time to lift a hand to wave at him before Ryuji hoists him up by the waist and spins him around twice. Even after being returned to his feet, Ren feels a little unsteady, and he grips Ryuji’s shoulders on impulse. Up close, Ryuji’s expression is even more endearing.

“Dude, I didn’t know you’d be here! You should’ve texted me!”

“I… didn’t know you were coming, either.”

“Well, I’m here now. Awesome! I can get my first kiss of the new year! Itadakimasu~”

And there, uncaring of who might be watching (including Yoshizawa), Ryuji pulls him into a deep kiss. Ren’s mouth had been slightly open from his surprise, and Ryuji takes advantage of that, stroking Ren’s tongue with his and licking along every surface inside Ren’s mouth until Ren feels his knees wobbling.

“If only I’d brought my sketchbook,” Yusuke laments.

“Inari, did you not learn your lesson about voyeurism last time?”

“An artist knows no—”

“Ryuji, let Ren _breathe_ sometime today,” Ann chides, though she’s practically giggling.

“Such an affectionate couple,” says Haru.

“All right, you two,” and Makoto claps to get their attention, “you’re blocking the path to the shrine.”

Only then does Ryuji break away. “Oops! Sorry, we’ll move.” He keeps his left arm slung around Ren’s shoulders as they step aside, and, upon glancing over, Ren sees a ring just like his on Ryuji’s hand.

“R… Ryuji…”

“Hmm?”

“When did…?” When words fail him, he just brings his hand up beside Ryuji’s to double check. Yeah, there’s no denying what he’s seeing. They’re wearing paired rings, obviously made for a couple.

“Huh? Dude, you don’t remember after only a week? I topped off our Christmas Eve with these. Seemed appropriate, since we’re official and all.”

“Official?” Ann echoes. “You’re practically engaged.”

“I wish!” Ryuji sighs dramatically. “My mom says I gotta wait to turn eighteen first, but July is fuckin’ _forever_ away. Ren, remind me when your birthday is?”

Head spinning from what he’s hearing, Ren simply answers on autopilot. “February 29.”

“That only comes around once every four years! We’ll _really_ have to wait forever for _you_ to turn eighteen!”

“Ryuji-kun,” Makoto points out as she prepares to deposit her offering, “it doesn’t work that way. You don’t need to worry about it.”

Ryuji’s hand shifts from Ren’s shoulder to his waist, and Ren can’t help but feel the difference of implication in that placement. Ren wracks his brain, but he still can’t remember a bit of being gifted this ring. Sure, they had gotten a little wild that night, but Ren is pretty sure he would remember Ryuji taking such a big step forward in their relationship. And since when had he become so comfortable kissing Ren in public? Something is off.

Looking for confirmation somewhere around him, Ren’s attention lands on Yoshizawa. He would have expected her to be shocked by Ryuji’s sudden display, but though she does seem a little forlorn in the eyes, she’s still smiling. Upon noticing that Ren is looking at her, she blushes momentarily, but then just smiles wider.

“Sakamoto-senpai is going all-out,” she says light-heartedly. “I’m glad senpai has someone so enthusiastic about being with him.”

Ren barely registers the conversation that follows. All he can think about is Ryuji’s hand on his waist, his hip pressed against Ryuji’s hip, their matching rings. Talking about getting _engaged_. Maybe he had never woken up from his New Year’s dream…

“Oi, Ren-Ren?” Ryuji’s voice cuts into his introspection. “You okay? You’re extra spacey today.”

“Probably because you made Ren-nii’s brain eke out through his ears with that kiss, Skull.”

“I mean, that’d make me real happy, but…” He lifts Ren’s bangs with his free hand and kisses his forehead. “Hm, no fever.”

“You really will take any chance to put your face on his face, won’t you?” Ann teases.

“Like you don’t do the same thing with Shiho,” Ryuji quips back.

“You are _way_ more embarrassing about it.”

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“ _Oh_ , no. You don’t need any more motivation to get kissy or handsy with Ren in public.”

“Suit yourself.” Ryuji then turns to the group as a whole. “So, what do you wanna do after this? If we’ve got the time for it, why don’t we grab somethin’ to eat together?”

Everyone lists off their scheduling conflicts, and Ren finds himself yet more confused. Haru is having dinner with her father? Futaba is going shopping with her mother? An explanation for the sudden crazy talk would be _great_.

“Welp, looks like you’re all busy… Then maybe I should hit up the track team and see what they’re up to.”

Not Ryuji, too! Just as Ann caps off the round of making no sense by entertaining plans with Shiho, Ryuji pulls out his phone and starts tapping away. From his current standing, Ren can see that, sure enough, Ryuji is chatting in an SNS group with members of the Shujin track team. But since when was Ryuji back on such friendly terms with them?

For the first time in his relationship with Ryuji, Ren feels a twinge of jealousy.

“Okay, plans made. I gotta blast, but, Ren-Ren, text me so we can meet up again later, okay? I love you so fuckin’ much.”

One more passionate kiss later, Ryuji is gone, leaving Ren with only Yoshizawa for company, and then even she gets picked up by her father. With no other plans, Ren returns to Leblanc. On the way, he opens his SNS chat log with Ryuji and finds a plethora of messages which, frankly, Ren would have thought Ryuji far too shy about his feelings to send. There are an awful lot of heart emoji in them, too. Why doesn’t Ren remember receiving these? They date back as far as Ren can scroll in the log. And yet, once again, in spite of the gap in his memory, Ren is filled with warmth when reading them. Honestly, seeing Ryuji finally free to express his love unhindered makes Ren weak in the knees. Maybe it’s best not to question it.

Morgana still hasn’t returned by the time Ren has settled into his futon. The Phantom Thieves’ group chat sounds off just then with Ryuji asking about how to secure a good first dream of the new year, and once Makoto fills him he ends with the mention of needing to get to bed anyway because he has practice tomorrow.

 _Practice_ ? As in _track_ practice? Ryuji’s knee is in good enough condition to allow for that? Jealousy bubbles up again. When exactly had Ryuji been so intent on getting back into track? Why hadn’t he told Ren about wanting that? Is he just seeking a new thrill (well, an old thrill, but a new instance of it) after the disbandment of the Phantom Thieves? The thoughts that swirl in Ren’s head make him feel strangely discarded, in spite of the ring on his hand telling him otherwise.

Disgruntled and discomfited, Ren eventually finds sleep… but the next morning he wakes up to a bigger shock yet: someone in his bed. Someone who isn’t Ryuji. Through a perplexing conversation of two stages (one in the attic with the perpetrator and one in the main café with Sojiro, Futaba, and a miraculously living Wakaba), the young man who had crawled under Ren’s covers claims that he is Morgana. That doesn’t make it any easier to believe.

Something is definitely wrong. Ren just doesn’t have the first clue as to the cause. As if in answer to an unspoken plea for answers, the next person to walk into Leblanc is none other than _Akechi_ , who should be in protective custody at best and in prison at worst. But, thank whoever is responsible, at least Akechi shares Ren’s confusion with the current situation. They leave the others and compare notes by the laundromat. As much as they had been at each other’s throats in the past, Akechi’s presence is a reassurance in the current moment. Ren thinks he much prefers seeing Akechi’s true personality rather than that thinly painted good-boy charade from before (though this also means Ren isn’t as motivated to _test_ him now). So when Akechi recommends that they join forces, Ren agrees. Good timing, too, because shortly after that, Yoshizawa calls and tells him that she’s found a Palace at the same location where she had awakened to her Persona. The interested Akechi tags along, and within the hour their ragtag little trio is starting an infiltration.

Strangely enough, their exploration of the Palace seems particularly fixated on Yoshizawa. Past the large entrance lobby and the first cluster of Shadows, a suspended monitor displays what appears to be a video feed of a past event, featuring Yoshizawa’s father (who Ren only recognizes from having just met the man at Meiji Shrine). The further in they head, the more adamantly the Shadows plead with Yoshisawa to turn around, almost as if they care for her wellbeing. It’s certainly a stranger treatment than any Shadows have shown to them as intruders before. Ignoring the warnings eventually leads them to some kind of auditorium, where a voice oddly familiar projects over loudspeakers to implore them to leave without any further investigation. Yoshizawa is all boldness and grace until the three of them see some kind of recreation of another past event, this time of a girl who looks very much like Yoshizawa receiving a gymnastics award, and the girl sees Yoshizawa and waves to her, calling her Sumire. Except… Yoshizawa had just told them that her sister Sumire had died, that _she_ is Yoshizawa Kasumi. Even with that mask covering so much of his face, Ren can tell Akechi is already at work unraveling this new mystery.

Finally, the Ruler of the Palace agrees to meet them face-to-face… but it’s certainly not a face Ren had been expecting. _Maruki_ . Humble, mild-mannered, _compassionate_ Maruki. What’s more, he isn’t a Shadow — Ren can tell that much from the lack of glowing yellow eyes. He doesn’t seem threatened by their presence in the least. Ren could imagine him offering them a seat on the nearest couch and handing them a tray of snacks, just like all those months in the nurse’s office at Shujin. This makes no sense, and what Maruki says is little better, after he confirms that he is indeed the Ruler of this Palace. 

“Do you like the reality I created for you?”

Akechi echoes him, heavily incredulous. “You… created it?”

“That’s right.” Maruki seems not the slightest perturbed by skepticism. “I’ve gained the power to alter reality… To make it whatever the people wish for.”

Ren rubs his temples. If many more of these curveballs hit him, he’s going to get a headache. “That can’t be…” He had seen the Holy Grail make something similar happen when Mementos had encroached on reality, but for a human being to do the same thing defies belief.

“Well,” says Maruki, his gentle tone never faltering, “I definitely understand how this could be hard to grasp. At any rate, our cruel and unforgiving reality is going to change… and that includes Yoshizawa-san’s awful past, too.”

Maruki shows them another video feed and reveals that it is Yoshizawa Kasumi who had died, protecting Sumire from a car. Therefore, the Yoshizawa with them is Sumire simply under the belief through a changed cognition that she is Kasumi. The whole thing is both tragic and twisted, and Ren’s stomach sours from it. Maruki then states that he intends to extend his power throughout the world, so as to rid it of what he calls _unfairness_ and therefore save humanity. He asks all three of them to consider seriously which reality they would prefer to inhabit: the old reality or his new one.

Akechi barely lets him finish his sentence before he’s delivered a sharp-tongued rejection, accusing Maruki of little more than brainwashing. Yoshizawa, however, wishes to return to her deluded state because she can’t bear living as a girl who had caused her sister’s death. Ren wouldn’t call himself conflicted on the matter, but… he can empathize with both sides, however misguided the one of submission. So he tells Maruki he’ll find his own happiness.

A Shadow grabs Yoshizawa and makes her fall asleep, depositing her in Maruki’s arms with care. Akechi pushes to end this with violence, and Ren settles for following his lead this time. Even when they defeat the monster with a coordinated attack, Maruki maintains his calm. He asks that Ren humor him for a little longer yet before making a decision.

“Rather than explain it with words,” he says, “I’d like you to actually see this new reality with your own eyes.” He looks at Ren intently. “I know your friends are already enjoying it, Amamiya-kun.”

Ren clenches his jaw. The things that his friends had said at the shrine come back to his mind, giving him a glimpse of what Maruki’s altered reality has brought them. Lost friends and family, dreams once out of reach, new possibilities… Though Ren’s outfit as Joker does not incorporate his clothes from reality into it, he fidgets momentarily with his left ring-finger as if he can feel the ring Ryuji had _supposedly_ given him. He can tell that Maruki notices him doing this and understands the reason behind it.

“Yes, I’m responsible for that as well. Please, Amamiya-kun, for the sake of your own happiness, give this world a chance.”

As Akechi continues to froth with revulsion, Maruki forces the conversation to an end by disappearing in a bright kaleidoscopic light and announcing over the loudspeakers that they may return to give him their final answers in a week’s time. Left with little choice considering their dwindled forces, Ren and Akechi leave the Palace and agree to gather intel separately. Given Maruki’s strong hints, Ren decides to focus his efforts on speaking with each of the Phantom Thieves.

Morgana is the easiest test run, since he is still staying in Ren’s room despite having taken human form. Ren can only imagine the mental gymnastics Maruki has running concurrently in order for Ryuji to be okay with Ren having another guy sleeping in his room (and at least once in his bed). A small bubble of distress forms in Ren’s gut upon thinking about Ryuji, about how much of their current situation is fabrication… But, Morgana first. A little gentle prodding of memory is all it takes, with how dramatic a difference between the old reality and Maruki’s that Morgana is experiencing. Still, it isn’t instantaneous: Morgana simply admits to some confusion and then decides to go on a walk to think. Ren falls asleep before he returns and can’t tell when he wakes if Morgana had come back at all during the night. But he gets up and begins steeling himself for the difficult conversation he’s about to have.

Morgana is outside Leblanc, still deep in thought by the look on his face, but Ren walks up to him anyway. Since this altered reality is full of surprises, he needs to check before running around Tokyo in vain.

“Morgana, do you know where I can find Ryuji?”


	6. Chapter 6

A selfish part of him had hoped Ryuji wouldn’t be at Shujin, that the nexus of the world Ryuji had wished for wouldn’t be centered around the track team. But it is, and Ren has to deal with the feelings of jealousy that rouses in him. Ryuji doesn’t belong to him like that, he chides himself. Ryuji should have dreams of his own. …But it does sting a little that something so important to Ryuji had been kept from Ren, intentionally or otherwise.

Ryuji is grinning and chatting with the other members of the track team. Ren stops just within earshot and eyeshot to eavesdrop on them first.

“Whoa, whoa whoa—” Nakaoka shouts just then “—You mean you got scouted by that college!?”

“Pipe down, stupid!” Granted, Ryuji’s own voice isn’t exactly quiet, a sure sign that he’s incredibly excited. “It’s not for sure or nothin’ yet, anyway. I’m just sayin’ the school’s gotten word of something like that.”

“Still, that rules!” Takeishi chips in. “You even made it onto the podium at nationals, too!”

Nakaoka claps a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder. “I was worried about what would happen after you screwed up your knee, but I’m glad you were able to bounce back.”

“Aw, you’re still jumpin’ the gun with this.” Ryuji rubs under his nose, looking sheepish in the most adorable way. “I’m just tryin’ my best so I don’t get laughed off the team by you guys.”

Ryuji is laughing with them, and their little group looks so happy. An impulse that Ren only calls out as cowardly _after_ he feels it tells him to turn around, to leave. Even if this happiness isn’t real, it’s going to gut him to take this from Ryuji. Yes, Ryuji had said before that he had missed track, for the sport itself and also for the opportunities it could give him to repay his mother by getting scholarships. It’s Ren’s own fault that he hadn’t realized how much of a deep longing Ryuji had carried for a scene like this. It’s Ren’s own fault that he feels such a sharp pang at the realization that there’s no need for him in this scene.

He’s still deliberating when Takeishi steps back and catches sight of him. Ren doesn’t expect to be recognized, but Takeishi immediately grows a shit-eating grin.

“Hey, hey, the good things keep flowing in for Sakamoto.”

“Huh? What is it now?” Nakaoka asks, turning to look in the same direction. Once he sees Ren, he has a similar reaction. The two suddenly look like conspirators.

“Sakamoto~” Takeishi says in a sing-song voice, “your boyfriend is here~”

Ryuji sprints out past the school gate like it’s a timed race. “Ren-Ren!” He throws his arms open, as if expecting Ren to run and leap into them. The happiness from the scene envelops Ren, and for the smallest fraction of time, he wants to give in, to bury himself in Ryuji’s embrace and never, ever let go and support him through all of his amazing accomplishments to come. But he restrains himself, if only because he can just barely see the seam in this reality. Rejoining the track team is Ryuji’s dream. Ryuji’s openness and fervor about his relationship with Ren is _Ren’s_ dream. Maruki may have made this happen, but Ren is his accomplice by having ever said out loud that he wished Ryuji didn’t have to be scared of being with him.

“Dude, don’t leave me hangin’!”

Only once he is sure that he won’t succumb to the drugging warmth of this happiness does Ren close the distance between them, and even then there is no running or leaping. Regardless, Ryuji hugs him close and kisses him for so long that Nakaoka jeers at them to get a room.

“What’re you doin’ here?” Ryuji asks when he finally pulls back for air. “It’s still winter break.”

“Oh, maybe he stopped by to congratulate you, too?” but Nakaoka’s eyebrows are doing a suggestive dance.

“Man, someone sure is popular,” Takeishi teases, though he switches topics afterward. “Is there anywhere you wanna go to eat after practice? It’s our treat today!”

“Ooh!” Ryuji resituates into a similar position from the other day, with Ren pressed up against him side-to-side and his arm around Ren’s waist. “That’s nice of you guys — how about an extra large beef bool and some pork miso soup? You wanna come with us, Ren-Ren?”

Again, the temptation to surrender licks at the back of his mind like flames. Maruki might seem all smiles and kindness, but he had planted nearly a perfect trap by putting happiness with Ryuji on a silver platter in front of Ren. “Maybe, but, um, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Ooh, alone time~” Nakaoka puts a hand in front of his mouth as he imitates a hoity-toity laugh.

“Don’t make us wait too long, Sakamoto,” Takeishi joins in. “Take good care of him, Amamiya.”

“I always do,” Ren replies without thinking.

After his teammates head back into the school building, a little of the sparkle leaves Ryuji’s eyes. Maybe that means he’ll be able to think more clearly about the state of their current reality. Ren will only find out if he pushes.

“Enjoying the return to track?” seems as easy a place as any to start the conversation.

“Uh, yeah, it’s fun, but whaddya mean?” Ryuji tilts his head. “It’s just what I like doin’, y’know? I get all down when I’m not runnin’.”

And Ren is a fool for having failed to notice that sooner. But he presses forward, “So you’re leg’s fine now?”

“My leg…” Ryuji’s confusion quickly gives way back to glee, and he bumps lightly into Ren’s hip. “Aw, you’re worried about me? It’s totally fine, dude! No problems there since that injury a while back. And that was Kamoshida’s fault, so—”

Ren knows he’s chipped the pristine glass of this illusory world when Ryuji stops mid-sentence. He waits, both hoping and dreading that Ryuji will do the rest on his own.

“Wait… What?” He continues to stew, and he steps away from Ren in the process. Ren kicks himself internally for missing the warmth of Ryuji’s arm around him so quickly. Finally, Ryuji looks at him, those deep brown eyes earnest and searching. “Ain’t something wrong here? Like, we’re together, and bein’ with you puts me over the moon, but… How do we know each other, anyhow? First, we met in front of the station by the school, then…”

Watching Ryuji struggle with this is painful. Too painful. Fidgeting with his ring is quickly becoming a habit for Ren, all the more so because so much of his current anxieties are focused around it. Maybe it’s time he left. He’s already done his damage. “I’ll be waiting for you.”

“Uh… Sure.” Then Ryuji flinches, as if something had just hit him in the head. “Whoa! What the hell was that…?” He breathes heavily for a moment, then calms. “…Sorry, I gotta get back to practice.” He only hesitates for a moment before kissing Ren, on the cheek this time. “I’ll see ya around?”

“…I hope so.”

Ren carries the guilt of the look on Ryuji’s face all the way home with him to Leblanc. Morgana isn’t there, thankfully, so Ren has the privacy to plant his face into his futon and let out a slow scream. After having done that, he pulls out his phone. The most recent entry on his chat log draws his eye, until he gives in to the urge. There is only one person with whom he can speak freely right now.

 **[REN]** Can we talk?

 **[AKECHI]** Aren’t we talking right now? Or do you mean a face to face conversation?

 **[REN]** A phone call would do.

 **[AKECHI]** And the purpose? Did you learn something?

 **[REN]** A little, but this is less about that and more about… just wanting to talk.

 **[REN]** I’ll understand if you’d rather not chat idly.

 **[AKECHI]** You do nothing idly.

Before Ren can dig too deeply into that comment, another reply comes through.

 **[AKECHI]** It won’t help our endeavors if you’re bottled up in your own head. So, I’ll hear you out.

 **[AKECHI]** But if Sakamoto is there and you’re messing with me again, I’m hanging up straight away.

 **[REN]** You’re no fun. But don’t worry, he isn’t here.

 **[REN]** What I was hoping to talk about does concern him, though, if that’s a deal-breaker.

 **[AKECHI]** I’m no relationship counselor, Amamiya, but, like I said, we need your edge in what’s to come. So, I’ll endure whatever emotional puss you feel the need to ooze out of your pores.

 **[REN]** You really have a way with words.

 **[AKECHI]** Just call me already.

Within seconds, Ren has the phone held up to his ear. Before the third ring, Akechi answers, and none too politely: “So?”

“So… I feel like a horrible person.”

“…I’m not sure what you expect me to say to that. You’re _speaking_ to a horrible person who is entirely unapologetic about being horrible.”

“That’s fair.” Ren rolls onto his back and rubs his forehead, trying to find better words. “Am I just as guilty as Maruki-sensei?”

“For?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Then, Ren realizes: “Oh, right. You haven’t seen what Ryuji is like in this world.”

Akechi exhales slowly, tensely. “Enlighten me.”

“He’s the most brazen and affectionate boyfriend you could imagine.” When the silence from the other end of the line draws out, Ren tries for more details. “We have _rings_ , Akechi. Ryuji got me a _ring_. And he’s made out with me in public three times in as many days.”

“…And how is this all that different? I have a recollection of the two of you being _quite_ brazen about your relationship _in front of me_.”

“That… was a special circumstance. I was trying to get Ryuji over some of his embarrassment, and it aligned with being an ass to you because I saw through your mask and was curious how far I could push before that cheap smile of yours would peel off.”

“Well… that certainly explains your lack of consideration for my sanity.”

“You had sanity to begin with?”

“Don’t make me strangle you through a phone line.”

“The point is, flashing _you_ once—”

“ _Twice_ . I count the phone call with your _noises_ in the background.”

“… _twice_ … is different than acting like a couple in the general public. In the real world, pretty much only the Phantom Thieves and a few of my close confidants know about the relationship. Here, everyone knows. Ryuji seems ready to shout it from the rooftops at any moment.”

“And that bothers you because…?”

“You said it yourself: what Maruki-sensei has done to everyone is little more than brainwashing. He…” Ren sits up, then stands, then begins to pace around his room. “He _changed_ the way Ryuji sees me and our relationship into something that’s more convenient for me, without asking Ryuji if that’s what _he_ wanted. And Maruki-sensei did this because _I_ wished for it.”

“…I believe you’re allowed to wish for things, Amamiya. You had no way of knowing about Maruki’s power.”

“Maybe, but… having that wish granted… I feel like _I’m_ the one who’s taken away Ryuji’s choice in the matter.”

“Well, once we defeat Maruki, everything will, I gather, return to how it would have been without his meddling, so there shouldn’t be any lasting harm to your little boyfriend.”

Even with only his left hand free, Ren has found a way to fidget with his ring by rotating it with his thumb. “I think you’re wrong about that.”

“In what way?”

“You and I remember the real world right now. If… If the other Phantom Thieves remember this altered world after it’s gone, then… Ryuji will remember what I… what Maruki-sensei changed.” His breathing has gotten uneven. “…Sorry. I think I’m about to ooze some emotional puss.”

Another slow exhale from Akechi. “I’m prepared.”

“What if he thinks I think the real him isn’t good enough anymore? What if he resents me for wishing for more from him even when I know he isn’t ready to give it to me — and possibly he never _will_ be ready? What if I lose the real relationship along with the altered one?”

“…Is being this scared of such outcomes going to change your decision? I didn’t think you were that malleable.”

“…No. I was tempted, when I saw him, when I thought about how easy it would be to accept Maruki-sensei’s happiness all set up for us… but no. I’m still going to reject this world.”

“Then don’t bog yourself down with what ifs,” Akechi chides. Oddly enough, there isn’t as much bite in his voice now. “If something happens, you’ll deal with it then. And if Sakamoto isn’t willing to work through something like this with you, then I’d say that’s his problem.”

“That’s a little harsh…”

“You just baby him too much, because you’ve been so giddy about getting so much attention from him. Your situation with your parents is _lacking_ , right? You’re starved, and you’ve made Sakamoto the sun that you orbit around. That’s why you’re so scared of losing him. You’re too attached. And Sakamoto — well, he’s desperate to be needed by someone. It’s written all over his stupid face. He’d cut open his veins and give you the blood if he thought that would make you happy.” Akechi laughs, a short and bitter sound. “What a pair you are.”

Ren’s jaw has been hanging open for longer than he cares to track. “Um… Wow, tell me how you _really_ feel.”

“You weigh him down, and he holds you back.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“I wasn’t. You two have been so caught up in your little whirlwind of enamourment with each other that you can’t see the building strain. Have you ever had an actual fight? Or have you just smoothed everything over?”

“Well… I shouted at him once when he almost died?”

Akechi’s groan betrays his thinning patience. “Well, it seems like Maruki has unwittingly given you the opportunity to put your relationship to a _real_ test. You’ll either find a way to weather it out, or you won’t.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Unlike Sakamoto, I have no motivation to avoid conflict with you. Quite the opposite.”

“I do still have your glove, you know.”

The sound Akechi makes is close to a laugh, but not quite. “Maruki first.”

“Right. Maruki first.”

“My last word of advice to you is this: instead of blaming yourself for having a selfish thought that got blown out of proportion by being actualized, blame Maruki for screwing around in your little boyfriend’s brain. Use your anger when we face him.”

“That’s… actually decent advice.”

“Just because I’m not a relationship counselor doesn’t mean I’m _stupid_ , Amamiya.”

“I know. You’re brilliant. And not as _unapologetically_ horrible as you claim. Thanks for hearing me out.”

“Pay be back by being fully present in that Palace.”

“You got it.”

“Try to get some sleep. You’re no use to anyone exhausted.”

“Wow, Akechi: coaching me on strategy against Shadows, guiding me through Palaces, telling me to go to bed on time… Are you Morgana now?”

“Just go to sleep, fool.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“…Good night.”

Never would Ren have thought that talking to Akechi would make him feel better, but it had.

Through the days to follow, Ren learns of each of his teammates’ wishes and pops their little bubbles of manufactured happiness. None of them hurt as much as Ryuji’s had, but Ren hadn’t prompted Maruki to toy with any of their brains the way he had Ryuji’s. That must be what makes the difference.

Over the course of that week, Ren keeps checking his phone for some contact from Ryuji. Nothing comes. Ren hopes that is a sign that Ryuji is thinking hard about the real world, and not a sign that Ryuji just doesn’t want to talk to him.

On the night before the appointment with Maruki, Akechi calls again to share his own findings. Much of it correlates with what Ren had already learned from Maruki directly about his past: researching cognitive psience in his college years until his funding had been pulled out from under him. It’s not much to go on, but they have to start somewhere.

After the call, Morgana stirs on the couch where Ren had thought him fast asleep.

“Are you going somewhere tomorrow?” he asks. It hasn’t gotten any less unnerving to hear Morgana’s voice coming out of an idol-level-handsome young man.

“Mm. Akechi and I are going to the auditorium in Odaiba.” It may be a long shot, but if any of the Thieves manage to come to their senses, if any of them want to help, Ren figures telling Morgana will ensure that whoever wants the information of where he is will be able to get it.

The next day, Akechi is _pleasant_ as ever as Ren walks up to him in front of the auditorium. “Based on the look in your eyes, I’m guessing your friends aren’t going to be of any use to us.”

Ren doesn’t have any vitriol stored up to bite back at him. “I’m sure they’ll come around,” he answers simply, flatly.

Akechi clicks his tongue. “We need as much manpower as possible right now. I was hoping at least some of them would avoid being useless… But that seems to be beyond their capabilities.” He turns to face their destination. “Well, there’s no point in griping about it out here.”

So they head inside. Because they had made an appointment, the Shadows don’t bother them this time — in fact, they direct Ren and Akechi to the auditorium proper (albeit a different one from where they had been before). Maruki is waiting for them there, beside an unconscious Yoshizawa seated upon a kind of throne. Her state draws Ren’s immediate concern, but Maruki assures him that she is only asleep, that he has never had any intention of harming her, that as soon as her inner turmoil settles he will have her remember the life she wishes for (as Kasumi rather than as Sumire).

Akechi’s venom bubbles up again. “The life that she wishes for, huh? Call it what you like — you’re merely brainwashing people for your own satisfaction.”

The smile falters. For the first time Ren can recall since learning of this Palace, Maruki looks somewhat pained. “I’m wholly aware that some will interpret my actions that way… But if that self-satisfaction leads to the happiness of thousands of others, don’t you agree that outcome is for the best?”

Maruki pushes further, his eyes fixed on Ren now. He prods where he knows Ren is weak and tender, reminding him of how happy all of his friends are in this “true” reality, of how happy Ren can be as well if he just accepts the new world around him. Again Ren thumbs his left ring-finger, even if the ring isn’t on his hand right now.

“Your friends don’t just want to live these lives,” Maruki summarizes, “they want you to choose this reality for yourselves and live happily, too.”

Flashes of his conversations with the Phantom Thieves replay in Ren’s mind, Ryuji’s more than the others. His chest burns. Akechi had reassured him that he’s allowed to have selfish wishes, so… he wishes he could just give in. He won’t, but he wishes he could. It would be so easy, so comfortable… He would never have to worry about fucking up and losing Ryuji, because Maruki would ensure that he wouldn’t…

“Please,” Maruki entreats, “I want you to understand… For their sakes, as well as yours…”

…But no. Akechi is right. Maruki is just a new Yaldabaoth, a new false god offering security in exchange for freedom and calling that happiness. But still it hurts as Ren opens his mouth.

“I’m sorry, Maruki-sensei. I can’t accept this reality.”

The shock on Maruki’s face says it all: he had thought his trap would be enough.

“Looks like negotiations have broken down,” Akechi taunts.

Maruki’s pained expression is so compassionate, it’s disorienting. It makes Ren wish he could find a middle ground here, but that’s impossible.

“…I see.” Maruki shakes his head, forlorn. “It seems we still haven’t reached an understanding.”

So… he still isn’t giving up on this? On them? How persistent must he be to enfold everyone into his reality? Surely one or two lost sheep in Akechi and himself could be overlooked? Or… is this proof that he does actually see them as a threat?

Before either of them can say anything else, Yoshizawa stirs. Her eyes are clouded and rimmed red with grief. She begs Ren not to get in Maruki’s way, to let her live in her sister’s stead as Kasumi. As much as Ren does have a soft spot for her (not too unlike he does for Futaba, in that younger-sister fashion), he can’t bend on this.

“Don’t hide from the truth,” he says, as kindly as he can.

But his voice doesn’t seem able to reach her. She insists that she should be able to leave behind the unbearable pain of having caused her sister’s death, to the point that she refers to her real identity of Sumire as if it is another person, someone outside of the self she wishes to be. It’s wrenching to watch desperation contort her features, and then suddenly she has transformed into her Persona attire, looking at Akechi and Ren with little short of killing intent. Wild-eyed and trembling, she draws her rapier.

“Yoshizawa…” Ren shakes his head, unsure what he can say to placate her. “Don’t do this…”

Ren can practically _hear_ Akechi roll his eyes. “How stubborn… No matter what you say to her, I doubt she’ll understand. I don’t think we have a choice in the matter here.” He catches Ren’s eye, then turns around, putting his back to Yoshizawa. “I could take care of it for you right now… But you’d prefer to leave her alive, right?”

Were these different circumstances, Ren might have kicked Akechi for implying that his compassion is weakness. As things are now, he just grits his teeth.

“Just hurry up and end this,” Akechi snips, then he steps back, leaving Ren and Yoshizawa squared off.

In her current mental state, it doesn’t take much for Ren to dodge or even reflect her attacks, with the right Persona protecting him. When her strength seems to run out, she sinks down to one knee, gasping and possibly choking back tears. Ren’s stomach is in knots, but he knows he’s doing the best he can to save her, as much as it causes her pain in the moment.

Akechi reappears at his side. “Looks like you lost,” he says to Yoshizawa, and again Ren wants to kick him for his unsympathetic tone.

“Why…” She’s obviously near a breaking point. If they push this any further…

“Our fight’s over.” He reaches out a hand to her, hoping it will be taken as a reconciliatory gesture.

“Senpai…” But her eyes won’t meet his. “No… I can’t… I can’t go back to being Sumire…” She emphasizes again how a life as a girl who caused her sister’s death is too painful, how Ren is cruel for being unable to understand that and leave her be.

As she speaks, however, Maruki comes up behind her, his arms outstretched as if to comfort her. He makes a grand speech about giving Yoshizawa strength, about actualizing her dream. But it all goes twisted. Just how many tentacle-themed entities does Maruki have at his beck and call, anyway? Ren tries to grab for Yoshizawa before the _thing_ that has sprouted up from the ground behind Maruki gets to her, but he’s too late. She is hoisted up into the air, her limbs pulled taut to keep her from struggling, and some kind of energy courses through her, making her scream.

“What are you doing!?” Ren shouts at Maruki. “You said you wouldn’t hurt her!”

But it’s clear now that Maruki is much further gone than he’s let on. “Sadly, she has lost sight of herself… She’s in pain…”

“You’re the one putting her in pain!” Akechi snaps.

In that moment, a red light coalesces into the shape of Yoshizawa’s Persona, but she too is distorted. Maruki looks at it, as if beseeching. “Now, be her guide… and together, escape from the nightmare!”

The Persona responds to his voice, clutching at her head until rage pours out of her in waves of force that hit Ren and Akechi like a strong wind.

“What the hell…” Akechi brandishes his saw-toothed sword. “This so-called ‘kindness’ of his disgusts me. Let’s do this quickly.”

Maruki summons more Shadows, and Yoshizawa’s manipulated Persona drains them for health. The frothing fury it emits reminds Ren of how Akechi could make Shadows rampage. What damage they do is quickly reversed as the Persona devours another Shadow and restores itself, and Maruki seems to have no lack of such cannon fodder.

Akechi is snarling now. “Tch… we can’t afford to waste time on this shit!” The rogue Persona gears up for another attack. “Here it comes!”

“I don’t think so!” The shout echoes around the room, but before Ren can look for the source (because he _knows_ that voice, knows it and treasures it deeply), the Persona strikes. Or, at least, it tries to. Someone gets in between her and them, resisting the blow in their stead. When the crackling and the smoke from the clash clear, Ren sees a familiar back, and something in his chest unknots. Ryuji… Ryuji is here? He came?

“Dammit, Skull, I told you not to rush in by yourself like that!” That’s Morgana’s voice.

“At least it seemed to work out in our favor.” And now Makoto’s.

Ren turns, and sure enough all of the Phantom Thieves are there, outfitted for battle.

“You came…” He can’t hide the hitch in his voice.

“Our apologies for making you wait so long,” says Yusuke with a little bow of his head.

Haru draws their attention back to the current crisis, and even Morgana is at a loss as to how Maruki has manipulated Yoshizawa’s Persona like this.

“So much of this shit makes no sense,” Ryuji groans, “but we’ll cover it later!” He looks over his shoulder at Ren. “We’ve gotta stop her first — right, Joker?”

Ren’s throat constricts with the mix of guilt and gratitude he feels from looking into Ryuji’s eyes, so he just nods. The others take over from there, Morgana and Makoto and Futaba directing them into positions.

Maruki is visibly taken aback by the entrance of the other Phantom Thieves. Whether that has an impact on the strength of Yoshizawa’s Persona or not, it doesn’t matter. With the gang back together, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Even having only gone without them fighting by his side for two weeks, Ren knows he has missed this terribly. It isn’t long at all before they’ve pushed the Persona to her limit, and she fades away. The tentacled entity returns Yoshizawa to the ground, though she is so shaky on her own feet that she keels over in a matter of seconds — just enough time for Ren to catch her before she hits the floor.

“You’ve all…” Maruki’s wide eyes scan the row of their faces. “I can’t believe you’ve thrown away your happiness just to come here and… And how? It’s impossible…”

Likewise, everyone except for Akechi and Ren himself is now dealing with their surprise at finding Maruki as their opponent. As usual, Ryuji is the first to get angry about it. “Dude… What the hell’s sensei doin’ inside a Palace!?”

“He’s ruling this Palace, is what he’s doing,” Akechi inputs bluntly.

Ryuji rounds on him. “Wha—!”

“Not only that, he’s the one who’s generated this whole distorted reality — isn’t that right, Maruki-san?” and Akechi has a way of putting a cold sarcasm onto the honorific.

“…All of this was done for your own joy.”

“Our joy?” Yusuke echoes.

“That’s right. I only wanted to grant your wishes… Each and every one…”

Ryuji turns back around and stomps his foot in Maruki’s direction. “Wait, you what? Whaddya mean!? We never wished for anything like th—”

“Is that really true?” Maruki has regained a little of his composure now.

“Huh?” Ryuji may be baffled, but Ren already has a sense of what Maruki means. Counseling sessions would be as easy a method as any to get a sense of someone’s desires and regrets.

Maruki sighs. “…No, never mind. So you all intend to deny the reality I’ve created for you… If you want to fight me… then so be it. If you plan on changing my heart, that’s fine, too. But before that — I think there’s still room for discussion here. Also, I believe taking care of Yoshizawa-san is more important than settling this issue right now.”

“Planning to run again?” Akechi taunts.

“We can get back to fighting, if that’s what you really want… but I think you’re rather exhausted at the moment.”

Akechi growls, but says no more.

Yoshisawa stirs, and in the moment they all look at her, Maruki vanishes. His voice projects over the loudspeakers, telling them that there is still time, and that he would like to hear their final decision on February 3rd.

Due to Yoshisawa’s condition, they have little choice but to retreat from the Palace. Once outside, Ren fills the team in on what he already knows, though he avoids making direct eye contact with Ryuji. As everyone grapples with the situation, Akechi butts in to emphasize to them that this will be different than any other distorted heart they’ve targeted before, in that Maruki is at least genuine in working for (what he sees as) their best interests. Ryuji roils at him again, but Akechi diffuses him by assuring the Thieves that he is their ally in this, since he has no intention of letting Maruki do as he pleases. Once Yoshizawa is able to stand on her own, Morgana recommends that everyone think over what they should do carefully and discuss this as a group another time.

As the Thieves disperse, Ryuji looks like he wants to say something to Ren, but he stops himself at the last moment and walks away. With a fresh surge of guilt coalescing in his stomach, Ren looks down at his hands. The ring is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akechi is a dark horse who insisted on getting to have a bigger role in this fic (and I'll need to add more tags as this goes on). But that's okay — Royal timeframe Akechi is my favorite Akechi, since his true personality is out there for all to see >:3c "ruthless" as Yoshizawa calls him.


	7. Chapter 7

As if their life wasn’t complicated enough, school starts up the following day. Yoshizawa (now bespectacled and wearing her hair down) is all apologies to Ren about having attacked him and Akechi, but it’s water under the bridge as far as he is concerned. Via the group chat, the Phantom Thieves decide to convene at Leblanc after school, having had a night’s sleep to think over everything.

The air in the café seems unnaturally thick as they all trickle inside. The ladies claim a booth. Yusuke prefers to stand. Morgana clambers up onto a barstool. Ryuji slides onto another barstool down the row, and Ren feels every centimeter of the distance from him where he leans against the counter.

Indecisiveness is palpable in the room. Several members voice their concerns about what’s already been said (that, though they can’t accept this reality, Maruki isn’t as evil as any of their prior targets, and therefore the rightness of their path isn’t as set in stone), but the conversation doesn’t seem to be getting much of anywhere. At that point, however, Ryuji speaks up.

“Well, I think we already know what we gotta do. Maruki-sensei ain’t a shitty adult at all. There are probably plenty of folks out there, livin’ happily in this reality… Who knows? Maybe Maruki-sensei’s actually doin’ the right thing.” He barely pauses for breath. “But we all still feel like this reality’s wrong, right? We decide what’s right for ourselves. That was what we all agreed on when we went after Ren in the Palace. If changin’ sensei’s heart fixes our reality, then I’m gonna do it.”

If a pin were to drop right then, they all would hear it. Ren himself is, well, a little bit in love all over again, though outwardly he’s just staring at Ryuji somewhat slack-jawed.

The focus on Ryuji quickly makes him fidget. “Uh, so… Somebody, say something…”

Makoto saves them: “Ah! Sorry… I was just thinking about how right you are, Ryuji.”

Everyone else agrees, leading to the unanimous decision: it’s business as usual for the Phantom Thieves of Hearts.

Well, not quite business as usual, considering that Lavenza summons all of them to a meeting so she can share what information she has on Maruki and the current state of the world. At least Ryuji doesn’t stand so far away from Ren as they huddle around Lavenza in the nurse’s office at Shujin. He even makes an extra effort to include Akechi in their conversation, which is as close to an olive branch as Ren has ever seen from Ryuji. But still he doesn’t take any opportunity to speak to Ren alone. Why? Doesn’t it bother him, what had happened in Maruki’s “actualized” world? Doesn’t he have things he needs to say, to get off of his chest? (To blame Ren for?) Ren hates the silence, but dreads to break it. He’s been the one leading and pushing since the start of this relationship. Maybe… Maybe Akechi had been right to accuse him of being too attached. Maybe it’s a fitting punishment that he should have to wait for Ryuji to take the next step, whatever that may look like.

Everyone had agreed to start on the Palace infiltration as soon as possible, so Ren distracts himself from the tension by focusing on defeating Maruki… until they hit a solid wall of cables on day one and have to rethink their plan of attack. Off to a great start, aren’t they… So it’s in this mental stew that Ren trudges up to Shujin the next morning, and of course it would be _then_ that Ryuji steps out from the alcove by the vending machines to catch his attention, though his demeanor is uncharacteristically subdued. “…Yo.”

The sudden panic in Ren’s brain sends his response filter crashing down in flames, and what comes out of his mouth is a scramble to be witty. “Waiting to ambush me?”

Stupid. _Stupid_ thing to say to the guy who is accused day in and day out of being a thug headed toward a bad end. So Ren can’t blame Ryuji one bit for frowning, for closing off with his body language.

“Don’t say it like that, man…”

Ren wants to apologize (not just for his thoughtless joke, but for _everything_ ), but fears he’ll fuck this up even more if he opens his mouth, so he bites his lip. The silence gnaws at him, until Ryuji speaks up again.

“So, Ren… You got time later?” Ryuji scrubs the back of his neck. “There was somethin’ I wanted to talk to you about. If you’re free, I mean.”

If he runs from this now, who knows how much harder it will be for Ryuji to bring it up again? So, as scared as he is, Ren nods.

This brings a spark of Ryuji’s usual bright warmth back to his face. “Sweet, thanks! It was definitely worth waiting around…”

How is it that, with so little, Ryuji can make Ren want to forget everything else and just… jump into his arms, or something? But he can’t. Only under Maruki’s spell would Ryuji have invited such a public display of affection.

School feels both much too long and much too short that day, due to the flip-flopping distress in Ren’s stomach.

“What’s got you so worked up?” Morgana whispers from inside his desk.

Not wanting to risk being too loud (or having his voice crack from stress), Ren opens a blank note document on his phone and types out his thoughts.

 **[REN’S NOTE]** Maruki actualized my dream, too. And Ryuji paid for it with a double dose of brainwashing that didn’t just change his circumstances. It changed _him_. At least while he was under its influence.

 **[REN’S NOTE]** Akechi told me not to linger on it, but… every time I see Ryuji, I feel guilty all over again.

Ren watches Morgana’s bright blue eyes trace over his words once, then twice. Then, after a twitch of his wet nose, Morgana crosses his front paws. “Hmm, do you think that’s what he wants to talk about with you?”

 **[REN’S NOTE]** I won’t be surprised if that’s it.

 **[REN’S NOTE]** …I’m scared.

Morgana’s little head tilts. “Of Ryuji?”

 **[REN’S NOTE]** Of myself.

 **[REN’S NOTE]** My idea of happiness was so selfish. It forced Ryuji into the kind of relationship _I_ want. And now Ryuji _knows_ about my selfishness.

 **[REN’S NOTE]** …Maybe he wants to end this.

“Mm, but would he have been so happy that you were willing to hear him out, if that were the reason?” Morgana shifts around so as to scratch behind one ear. “Maybe you’re just focusing too much on the worst-case scenarios. Whatever awkward stuff you may need to work through, I really doubt blondie wants anything other than to be by your side. It’s kind of his whole spiel, right?”

…It’s true. Ryuji has invested a lot into his role as Ren’s right-hand man. It’s been a lifeline for his broken sense of identity. But that isn’t necessarily a positive thing. Akechi’s jab about how Ryuji is so desperate for Ren to need him becomes a lump in Ren’s throat.

But expressing his turmoil to Morgana had at least been some tiny outlet. It gets him through the rest of the day without dissolving into outright panic. Still, when Ren reaches the front gate, and Ryuji is standing there, smiling gently at him, Ren wants to run. He grips the straps of his bag and shuffles forward.

“Where are we going?” he asks in a dreadfully small voice.

“Um… my place. If that’s okay…”

Ren nods. He’s been there a handful of times (when their workouts would turn steamy and Ryuji’s apartment would be closer than Leblanc). That won’t make it any less awkward to go there now, but… he has to face the music sooner or later.

Through the trip, Ren can barely keep his sense of where or when or perhaps even who he is. If his rational brain were functioning better, he’d recognize disassociation as he experiences it, but instead his head is full of cotton, muffling everything. What finally jars him out of it is Ryuji’s arm around him, pulling him away from the edge of the sidewalk.

“Whoa! Don’t just space your way into the street like that, dude. C'mon, we’re almost there.”

Ryuji’s arm is gone as soon as it had appeared, and Ren bites his lip to keep himself from complaining at the loss. He falls into step behind Ryuji for the final stretch, head bowed and silent. Whatever Ryuji needs to say to him, he owes it to Ryuji to hear him out until the end. Whatever that end means for them.

Ryuji’s apartment is the same layout as the one they’d used for Operation Maidwatch: a tiny little one-room place smaller than the Leblanc attic. It smells like Ryuji’s body spray, like Ryuji in general, and Ren keens internally as soon as he crosses the doormat-sized genkan. Setting his bag down behind him and letting Morgana out to take a stroll around the neighborhood, Ren then closes the sliding door between the genkan and the main four-and-a-half tatami mat square of Ryuji’s room. He keeps his eyes to the floor, tracing the T-shaped junctions between the tatami. If this “actualized” world is all about granting people’s wishes, maybe Maruki will hear him out if he wishes that the floor would swallow him up right now, so he can avoid this conversation.

“Um, you should probably sit down,” says Ryuji. He drapes his uniform blazer over the back of the one chair in the room and wheels it over to Ren. “I’m gonna just change out of school clothes real fast. One sec.”

Ren nods numbly and continues to look down. After what he deems an adequate time to change, he risks a glance, just in time to see Ryuji finish pulling on a fresh shirt. Teal is a good color on him.

“Okay.” Ryuji is a guy with a lot of surplus energy, so tapping his foot isn’t automatically a tell that he’s nervous. But he does seem to be stalling. “Okay.” He rolls up his short sleeves and loosens out his shoulders, almost like he’s getting ready for a fight. … _Is_ he getting ready for a fight?

Finally, Ryuji faces him. “So, uh… Man, how do I say this…” His eyes slide around the room, unable to stay on Ren’s for long.

“Just say it.” The dread is eating away at him. Better to get this over with so he can crawl into a hole and die.

“Well, there’s somethin’ I wanna talk about. Since we’re… _y’know_ … I figured I’d just invite you over…”

The fact that Ryuji can’t even say what they are to each other is not a good sign. The lump in Ren’s throat returns, expands even, until he feels like he can barely breathe. But he waits.

“Look, I…”

Ren closes his eyes, waiting for some kind of blow to fall, like the guillotine in the Velvet Room.

“I’m sorry!”

…Maybe not so much a guillotine as a wrecking ball. In an instant, Ren’s entire ideation of what this conversation would be about has been knocked askew. He even feels his glasses slip down his nose a little from how quickly he sits up in his shock. “…Huh?”

“I know I gotta apologize to you!” Ryuji is bent over, his head down and his hands pressed together in supplication in front of him. The sight makes Ren frantic to put him at ease.

“Wh—! I forgive you! What’re you—!”

Ryuji looks up, and they finally make decent eye-contact. “Geez, that fast!? You don’t even know what it’s about yet!” He straightens and scrubs the back of his neck again. “Just listen, okay? I want this apology to mean something, dammit.”

Ren nods, still utterly confused.

“It’s like, you know how things have been for me? From the new year to a little while ago? How Maruki-sensei gave me a dream life, and I kinda just… went with it?”

Ren’s fingers dig into his thighs. Maybe this is going to circle around to the conversation he had been dreading after all. If so, he’ll deserve it. Maybe he even wants it, in spite of how much it’ll hurt. Ryuji is always doing so much for him. Always bending over backwards to try to accommodate Ren’s wants. That can’t be fair.

 _“You weigh him down,”_ Akechi had said.

“We basically spent last year together, and half of that, like, _together_ . And you supported me through a bunch of personal shit, too. I told you I’d help whenever you needed it, and now, well…” His face contorts with what Ren can only think of as _anguish_. “…Even I know I really let you down.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Despite the conflict of possible outcomes going on in Ren’s head, his voice comes out remarkably level. An old coping mechanism: play it cool, play it like everything is fine. Growing up in a house where no one had really cared about him, his only protection had been to pretend like he didn’t care, either. And with the looming threat of losing someone who _does_ care about him, he’s reverting. Bracing himself. Preparing for the worst. This won’t be like when Ryuji had risked his life in Shido’s Palace. Ren can’t let himself fall to pieces this time, no matter how badly Ryuji may be about to break his heart.

Ryuji shakes his head. “Man, if I have to own up to anything, it might as well be this. I mean, sure, I could fight with the rest of the team like nothin’s wrong… but I dunno. Feels like that’d be betrayin’ all the stuff we built up together.”

Fuck. That’s it. Ren can’t take this anymore. _He’s_ the one who had betrayed what the two of them had built.

“Either way, I can’t just let this go. Gotta settle things somehow.”

Ren has just opened his mouth to unleash the dam of his own need to apologize when Ryuji rushes in and kisses him, all tongue and teeth and _heat_ . In less than a minute, Ren has nearly forgotten what he wanted to say and nearly lost all willpower to say it. Can going for little more than a week without kissing Ryuji really have left him so _hungry_?

 _“You’re starved,”_ the memory of Akechi’s voice flits in unhelpfully.

“C’mere,” Ryuji pants into his mouth, pulling Ren out of the chair so he can stand. “I’m shit with words, so lemme apologize to you like this. Take off your coat and stuff?”

Ryuji barely lets him have the room to fumble with his buttons and sleeves and suspenders and zippers, until finally he’s only in his uniform shirt, boxer-briefs, and socks. Ryuji continues to maneuver them down to the floor, sitting Ren in his lap.

“Ryu—” Ren puts his hands on Ryuji’s shoulders to try to get the space to speak (to breathe!), but there’s no strength in his arms. Just like his temptation by Maruki’s happy little world, it seems so easy to go along with whatever Ryuji wants in this moment. But the guilt will just eat at him more if he doesn’t make _some_ effort. He finally gets a chance when Ryuji pulls Ren’s shirt up over his head. “Ryuji, wait…”

“Huh?” His face is flushed, but he seems in control of himself enough to catch on to Ren’s hesitation. “Somethin’ wrong?”

Ren opens his mouth again, then closes it. Of course it would be _now_ that his filter would take for-fucking-ever to string together what he needs to say.

After enough awkward silence, Ryuji groans. “Urgh — I can’t think and fuck at the same time!” And he slaps himself on both cheeks. “Should’ve figured this’d be pointless. I tried to think of somethin’ good, but even I know I’m dumb.”

“You aren’t dumb,” Ren mutters automatically. Sitting here practically naked while Ryuji is fully clothed increases Ren’s sense of vulnerability. He has nowhere to hide, but that makes him scared all over again. “This isn’t your fault. I… I just need to…”

Ryuji tilts his head to follow Ren’s wandering gaze. “You gotta take a piss or somethin’? The bathroom on this floor is down to the right, if…”

That Ryuji thinks the reason is something so mundane — it’s almost _funny_. So much so that Ren curls forward until his head lands on Ryuji’s shoulder so he can hide the momentary smile while he shakes his head. Now is not a time to laugh, dammit.

“Ryuji… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re not in the mood, right?”

Ren shakes his head again. “I… I _want_ to be in the mood, but… I don’t deserve it.”

“Don’t deserve what?”

“This. …You.”

Now Ryuji is the one putting his hands on Ren’s shoulders, pulling him far enough back that he can catch Ren’s downcast eyes. “You’re gonna have to explain that one to me, Ren. I’m stupid, remember?”

“You aren’t stupid,” Ren counters him.

“Explain anyway. I don’t get what you’re on about.”

Ren stalls for so long that Ryuji gives him a gentle shake. “You still in there, man?”

 _“He’d cut open his veins and give you the blood if he thought that would make you happy,”_ Akechi’s voice echoes in Ren’s head.

“…Aren’t you… _angry_ at me?” he asks.

“What for?”

Why is it taking so long to click? Ryuji obviously remembers the actualized world, so why hasn’t he brought up the element of it which hadn’t had anything to do with track? Is he just trying to avoid the subject because he already knows Ren is torn up about it? Does he think if he pretends it never happened that Ren’s guilt will disappear?

“…Stop messing with me…”

Ryuji’s grip on his shoulders tightens, then releases entirely. “…I’m not tryin’ to.”

“Then why haven’t you called me out on what I did?”

Ryuji’s expression morphs between hints of several emotions, but finally lands back on cautious confusion, like he’s afraid of backing Ren into a corner by saying the wrong thing. “Is this… about the rings and stuff?”

“…and stuff,” Ren confirms. Finally. So at least Ryuji hadn’t suffered some kind of selective amnesia.

“Why would I be angry about that?”

Seriously!? Ren pushes against Ryuji’s chest, propelling himself out of Ryuji’s lap. “Because! The wish that Maruki-sensei actualized for me took all of your _very important_ boundaries and threw them out the window! _I_ threw them out the window! I _blatantly violated_ the lines that were there to make you feel safe! It’s like I forced you into an arranged marriage or something! I’m just as bad as Haru’s old fiancé — deep down, I was only thinking about what _I_ wanted out of our relationship!”

“Wh… Dude, no, you ain’t anythin’ like that creep.”

“How am I not!? I swear, Sakamoto Ryuji, if you’re just trying to spare my feelings, I’ll… I’ll…” When something punishing enough fails to come to his mind, he ends rather lamely, “I’ll cry!”

Oh. Well, based on the look on Ryuji’s face, that would be pretty punishing anyway. “…Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry! Talk back to me! Put up a fight, dammit!” Shit, maybe he really is going to cry. Ren rubs his heels against his eyes and groans. “Fuck, I hate it when Akechi is right!”

“Huh? What’s Akechi got to do with this?”

“I… We had a… heart-to-heart? I guess? I felt so guilty about what Maruki-sensei had done to you — I had to talk to _someone_ . And I couldn’t talk to _you_ because it was _about_ you and you were under Maruki-sensei’s influence, so I… ”

“I’m surprised Akechi let you talk to him about somethin’ like this.”

“He only did it for strategic reasons. To let me vent so I could get my head in the game.”

“Oh. So… what is it that he said?”

“That I weigh you down. That you hold me back. That we’re a pair of infatuated morons who can’t even have an argument without one of us trying to gloss it over.” Saying it out loud is a fresh punch to the gut, and Ren pulls at his own scalp, self-disgust throbbing under his skin like a poison. “And he’s fucking _right_ — I only had that ring for a week, but I keep feeling for it and getting stupidly sad when I remember it isn’t there anymore! I was so fucking happy about being given a ring by you and being kissed in public by you and being _official_ , even though you were being exploited just to make my selfish wish a reality! I’m the absolute worst!”

“Ren…” How the hell can Ryuji still sound so calm!? “You’ve lost me a lil’. Back up, okay? Why would you _want_ to have arguments?”

“I don’t. I just… I don’t want you to be _scared_ of calling me out when I fuck up.” Struggling to regulate his breathing, Ren lowers his hands and does his best to give Ryuji a stern look. “I don’t want to be your _leader_ in this relationship — I want to be your _partner_!” He points a finger between Ryuji’s eyes. “Name the last time you got angry at me!”

“…Um…”

“See!? You can’t even remember! I’m the one always pushing you this way or that way — I’m taking advantage of you, aren’t I!? What Maruki-sensei did was just the icing on the cake!”

Ryuji is quiet for a long moment, then, “Please quit talking like this.”

Ren’s voice has gone a little rough from yelling. “Then, prove me wrong!”

His brow furrowed, Ryuji stands and turns away. He takes a few breaths, and they sound strained, like Ryuji’s chest is tight. “You’ve always given me an out. From the beginning, when you kissed me, you were always askin’ me if I really wanted to go further. You didn’t _force_ me or _nothin’_ . I know I’ve been kinda… _passive_ about it compared to you, but that don’t mean I don’t wanna keep gettin’ closer to you, keep gettin’ braver about bein’ with you.”

“But—!”

Ryuji holds up one hand, the palm flat toward Ren. “Nuh-uh. Lemme talk now. Ain’t you assumin’ something here? Do ya think I was, like, under Marin Karin or somethin’ with Maruki-sensei’s actualization or whatever? I mean, I hate it when Akechi’s right, too, but I think he’s onto something about the wish-granting being up to Maruki-sensei’s judgment, down to the details. So, yeah, maybe you’re the one who told him that wish, but he wouldn’t’ve put somethin’ on me that he thought would’ve made me suffer. He’s all about removin’ the pain outta people’s lives, right? Whatever Maruki-sensei fucked up, he thought that me bein’ with you and bein’ open about it would make _me_ happy, too, not just _you_ . And it did. Like… Ren, I can’t even put it into words, ‘cuz I’m shit with words, but it made me _so_ happy, bein’ like that. I dunno how I’m gonna go back to playin’ it safe, after feelin’ what it was like to just be _out there_ and not care what anybody thought of us. …Maybe I won’t go back. Maybe Maruki-sensei gave me a chance to experience how good it could be, and now I can make that happen for real.”

This is… so much. Ren wants to pinch himself to prove he isn’t dreaming again, but all he can do is look up at Ryuji, drinking in every word. “…Are you finished?” he manages.

“Almost, but this one’s real important.” He pauses, frowning. “I don’t get why you’d _want_ me to get angry at you. I know I’ve usually got a short fuse, but I _never_ wanna let that get the better of me with you. Not when I had to watch my dad always takin’ his shit out on my mom. I swore to myself I was never gonna be that kinda garbage.”

Ren sharply feels an entirely different guilt clench in his gut. “…I’m sorry. I didn’t think about…”

“I don’t talk about it much for a reason. But…” Ryuji kicks at the lump of his school clothes on the floor, sending them against the wall with a muffled thud. “Honestly? Every time I’m rough with you when we mess around, I get a little scared. Because it’s _fun_ . I _enjoy_ it. I _get off_ on it. Maybe blood will be blood, y’know? Maybe I’ll end up like him, no matter how hard I try to be better.”

“You _are_ better.” Ren stands up now, too. “It isn’t like that when we play rough, Ryuji. I know you would never hurt me for real. You’re… so, _so_ good to me. Better than anyone has been to me, _ever_. And I think… I think that’s what makes me worry that it’s too good to be true. That somewhere along the line, the other shoe is going to drop, and I’ll lose you.”

“I could say all of that right back to you.” Ryuji shifts his weight around, wincing slightly when his right knee protests. “I’m scared of other things, too. Like, even if we change Maruki-sensei’s heart, you’re still leaving at the end of March, right? I don’t wanna think about how hard it’s gonna be without you. About how we might grow apart…”

“…I’ve been avoiding thinking about that, too.”

Ryuji turns back around and looks into his eyes. “I’m sorry that I’ve been holdin’ back from talkin’ about this kinda stuff with you. I… You’ve helped with so much of my baggage already. I didn’t wanna put any more of it on you.”

Ren takes one step closer to him, then another. “Baggage is easier to carry with two people, you know.”

At least that makes Ryuji smile. “So… are we good?”

“…Yeah. We’re good.”

As soon as the peace of that confirmation sinks in, Ryuji then scowls at his dartboard on the wall. “And who the fuck does Akechi think he is, namin’ off people’s relationship issues? What the fuck does his ass know about healthy relationships, right?”

Ren has to laugh at that. “Beats me.”

“So what if we aren’t always on each other’s cases? Other people give us enough shit as it is. It should be our jobs to be, like, a Safe Room for each other, don’tcha think?”

“I think that’s very astute of you, Sakamoto-san.”

“Huh? Why so formal?”

“Because you sounded very wise.”

“Dude, I wouldn’t know _wise_ if it fucked me in the ass.”

“I’m wise — can I put that to the test?”

And that makes Ryuji laugh, too. Then he pulls Ren into a hug, and neither of them moves for a solid two minutes.

“So…” Ryuji says at last, “can I, um… give another shot at what I was goin’ for before? My apology?”

“You’ve done plenty of apologizing already. You don’t need to do any more.”

“I told you, I’m shit with words. Ain’t gonna sink in that everythin’s really okay with us until I can, like, express it better. I guess it’s kinda like what you needed that time after Shido’s Palace, if that makes any sense.”

Ren nods into Ryuji’s shoulder. “It makes sense.” He rotates so he can kiss Ryuji’s cheek. “And, if I can be a little selfish…”

“Sure, man.”

“We haven’t had sex in a solid two weeks, _and I’m going insane_.”

There’s a beat, and then Ryuji is sniggering into his neck. “Dude, if _two weeks_ is enough to send you off your rocker, you’re gonna have a real hard time when you leave Tokyo.”

“I’ll call you so you can say sexy things to me while I get off. Or vice versa.”

“Fuck… that actually sounds kind of hot.”

“We could even do video calls.”

“Ren-Ren, I’ll die if you do that.”

“No dying.” He burrows a little deeper into Ryuji’s embrace. “I’m fucking cold. Warm me up?”

“Shit, sorry, you’ve been standin’ here in your boxers.”

“If you keep apologizing for everything, I’m going to start leaving hickeys in obvious places as punishment.”

“Okay, okay. Just give me a sec. I gotta remember what my plan was.”

“Well… you had me in your lap. I’m guessing there was a reason for that?”

“Oh, right!” He pulls away, but only to fish around in his closet (probably for supplies). “Do you want me to get the futon out, or are you okay with the floor?”

“Is the table not an option?”

Ryuji looks at said table in the middle of his room, then back to Ren. “Dude, that thing would break before we’d even put our full weight on it. In fact, I’m gonna fold it up before we knock it over by accident.”

“Just checking. Floor’s fine — urgency outweighs comfort right now.”

Ryuji nods and lays out a towel to protect the tatami once he’s made room in the space the table had occupied. Then he sits cross-legged and pats his lap. “C’mere?”

Ren obliges. Ryuji’s body temperature always seems more stable than his own, and right now that means that being close to him is like laying on a space heater. No complaints there.

“Are you going to _explain_ your plan, or should I just go along for the ride?”

Ryuji snorts, as if Ren has made a joke.

“What?”

“It’s just… _the ride_ kinda _is_ my plan.”

It only takes a moment for the joke to click. “Oh, so you want me to ride you?”

Ryuji shakes his head… and turns pink around the ears. Realization hits Ren like a train. (Might as well extend the metaphor, right?)

“…Oh. _Oh_ .” But then confusion returns. “Then, why am _I_ in _your_ lap?”

“For somethin’ bonus. I know we haven’t boned much lately, so I wanted to make sure you’ll feel extra good.”

Someone alert the nearest coroner that Ren’s cause of death is about to be sexual pampering and that the culprit of this premeditated crime is Sakamoto Ryuji. The murder weapon: the vibrator egg that Ryuji holds up between his forefinger and thumb.

“So, um… you left this here last time. It gave me ideas, is all.”

“Is all?” Ren echoes, unconvinced by Ryuji’s playing coy.

“You know what I mean. Anyhow, I thought about… puttin’ this in you… and then ridin’ you.”

Ren blinks rapidly, even though it’s his _ears_ (and his brain as a whole) that are having difficulty processing. “…Is my nose bleeding?”

“Uh… no, don’t think so.”

“Mm. Good. Right.” He breathes in and out slowly. “Okay. Do your worst.”

“Dude, why would I do my worst? I wanna make you feel amazin’.”

At that point, Ren just has to kiss him. Bless Ryuji for being so earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Ryuji’s apartment on shots in the anime of the apartment used for Operation Maidwatch (since it’s in the same complex which looks like one of those small low-rise complexes where the layout of all the apartments is the same), plus the shot of Ryuji’s room in the Confidant scene in Royal. Here, have [a little floorplan mockup](https://sta.sh/018eoxa7sk59) I made! As much as I love all the fics that have Ryuji living with his mom, it seems like that may not be the case? Maybe he had to move out for the sake of his Shujin commute, or maybe his mom had to move elsewhere in the city because of work. In any case, at least Ryuji won’t have to worry about his mom overhearing him getting nasty with Ren >:3c  
> This chapter was getting too long, so the dirty details will be saved for next time~


End file.
